Alright, it’s been a long time. I love to write, so I figured I’d come back. I guess before the laziness got the best of me. Well, anyways, I’m back and ready to vent as much as I can and once again procrastinate school work. Got back into school and it’s scaring me because I just remember all those times I tried and it didn’t work out. I don’t think I’m an ignorant guy, I just don’t know how to do well in school. I can be the best employee for someone but I’ll never get the chance to prove that unless I have a degree. Sucky situation indeed.
Well, the real reason I decided to post on here. I was talking to a girl…yep, another one that didn’t work out and shit went down. Her and I hit it off really well and really fast. Then I found out she was talking to one of my friends at the same time. It was a sucky situation too but I forgave her for the most part and we began to talk again. We almost became official despite all my friends saying she wasn’t good. I just thought, they didn’t know her. Turns out, I didn’t know her. She is an attention grabbing girl. She likes having guys liking her and plays them completely. I’m not going to go into every detail but I will say what made me flip out and feel like dying was when I went to her place to talk about things and she was cuddled up on the couch with another guy (one I was suspicious of from the beginning). I hate her and him and hate that they are so happy together. I want them to be miserable like me. I know that sounds terrible but I can’t just let this happen again without getting my emotions heard. She is scared of me and I guess I can see where she is coming from. If I was a whore who did that to someone I’d be scared of how they’d react too. I wish I could move on quickly but the wound is fresh and I just want to instantly find something to heal me. Friends have been good but a void is left in my heart and making me sick all the time. I’m losing weight quickly again and it’s not good. I’ll be happy to be skinny again but I’d rather it happen a much healthier way. Anyway, I want to go out and just get laid. I need to have sex so badly right now. I’m just craving some sort of attention. Should be good to find a girl who wants to just give it away to anyone…well you know, and isn’t someone I’m interested in for a relationship. I know I won’t do anything stupid at this point to them but it will be tough to hold my tongue at work (especially because I haven’t been able to hear anything from her since that night and I work with both of them tonight. In a few hours actually. Why can’t I distract my mind? I try and it just goes back to me getting sad or upset then I don’t handle the situation well.
I’m feeling more and more hopeless as time goes on that there are still good girls out there. I know a few who are friends and of course have thier own guys they are seeing and could never be interested in me. Oh well. I guess I need to put myself out there even more than I do now. I’m taking a random trip to Kansas City in a couple weeks that should be good for me. I’m going by myself and just going to try and meet people then party it up. Actually kind of excited about all of this. Should be good but I also fear going by myself and having anxiety will prevent me from meeting some ladies then just sitting in the hotel room alone. Either way, I’m going to explore the bars (westport is amazing and the power and light district is actually really nice too), going to check out the casinos, and maybe even the strip clubs there. Just so I don’t come home empty handed, I’ll make the most of those places. Won’t be what to do all day but hopefully at one of those places, I can make a friend to show me around a little. No concerts, but I’ll try to see a sporting event. Looking forward to getting out of Texas. Once my financial aid comes in, I’m going to spend so much of it because I’m irresponsible and need to.
Well, I’m getting more sick to my stomach because I’m thinking about everything still and now I’ll try to lay down and listen to music and watch a funny video or something. Until next time. Peace out and I wish you the best (random audience that might never read this)