History- The realization

I’m not quite sure how, or when it started. It was a gradual progression of symptoms that I believe began about 2 or 3 years ago. Every month just before my monthly visitor, I was having bad pain in my back and shoulders- like a burning and aching feeling that I just accounted to being tired. I would not be able to sleep much but when I did sleep, it wasn’t well. I accounted this to stress or just being to busy in my mind to sleep. I was having terrible fits of anger that grew more and more aggressive and uncontrollable over time. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend just about every month or so. I accounted this to us not being compatible (but we both love each other immensely so we stayed). I grew increasingly irritable with my own children and would snap easily at them for the small things. I accounted this to plain old PMS. I realized I was becoming forgetful, ¬†cranky, unable to perform at work, overly emotional and overwhelmed more and more each month. I just assumed I was a normal bitchy woman and that we all have these issues to manage.

Then I came across an article recently where a woman discussed her PMDD. If you’ve found this journal- it’s probably because you were searching for it, so I don’t feel the need to define the disease. I am primarily keeping this journal from this point forward to capture my mood- my energy – my symptoms, or lack thereof, from each day ahead. I plan to write as often as I can to try to properly record these feelings and reactions and the reactions to the feelings and reactions. Hopefully, this will help me get a better grip of how my PMDD is affecting not only my life, but the life of my family and friends as well. And maybe, if you have come across it, it will help you understand your situation- whether you are a sufferer or what I like to call a “victim” of the disease.

I have yet to actually be diagnosed- yes, research and the internet have helped me determine that this is what is going on with me… Believe me, I did not just Web MD it and assume that must be it. I did a lot of looking and reading and interpreting and some indirect questioning of Brian (my boyfriend) to make sure I was actually experiencing these symptoms and that they are only during specific times of the month- if they were all of the time, I would be categorized as being in a depression. So now we, as a team, have determined this is the one most similar symptom based disease that could be affecting us all. My appointment is on Sept 25th so I will keep you posted.

Please feel free to browse through my posts and let me know if you can relate or if you have any questions about how I feel. But know this now- I am NOT an expert, nor do I pretend to be. I am just someone who found comfort in knowing that I am not crazy and I am not a mean person, but that there is something uncontrollable that is causing me to come off that way for about 1 1/2 weeks of every month.

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