I talked to my mother this morning on the phone about my troubles with deciding to be running towards a career or a family. It’s easy to forget that for these issues, it’s important to talk to mommy. What I learned is that I need to change my own heart about being a housewife, even if that isn’t what I decide to do. At this point it’s clear that I am shying away from the idea because of pride and that needs to be erased no matter what. The other important thing to realize is that if I decide to be a housewife and take care of my family and love my community in a good way that my work needs to be as valuable and respected as Cameron’s. It needs to look that way for Cameron but also to me. These ideas are comforting. Because they are changes of heart that are similar to ones that God has provided me in other areas of my life and I know he longs to change me in these ways as well because he loves me. I need you to know that at first my ipad corrected “change” to carnage. I almost write that Jesus longs to carnage me.
As I am typing this I am laying my tablet on top of my sleeping sweet dog and I will always remember when my best friends dog died and my mom comforted her just the way she needed by telling her that she thinks dogs might be angels. Now this is really pretty cheesy and lame but I can’t help but think about God’s comfort myself when I look at my puppy’s sweet face cuddled in my lap. So whether or not a dog angel is biblical or not the idea of it has some truth to it. And then I can’t help but start thinking about how the dog we have today was really created by decades of abuse and murder and experimenting and I start to think well, maybe not, and then I remember who God is and I realize he would totally make angels out of such a stupid thing done by our evil hands. Whoa rambles…
im not not sure what else to say and that statement usually turns into another rant. But maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll just put the tablet down right this second, but I probably won’t because I still have coffee and I am avoiding taking a shower. I made a deal with cameron that he’ll wake up early on saturday to hike blue lake with me if I will come help him run his booth the art walk downtown that afternoon. I hope he sees a moose. Okay, I need to shower. Not because I’m yucky but because I’m lazy.