Moment of Silence Interupted

During these last 14 days I have become a bit of a morning person. This is really saying something because I have NEVER been a morning person. When I was a child in school I always figured I would grow out of that, but 10 years later at 28 it started looking really bleak. I have lost jobs, been dropped from college classes, and received numerous warning after warning for never being on time. I have even walked into weddings late (including my own). A lot of this had been largely due to just not being able to wake up! I’m sure you can imagine why. I just always thought I was a heavier sleeper! Of course my sleeping habits couldn’t be the cause of my best friend and lover alcohol! I’m serious! For YEARS of my life when that alarm clock would go off, my body would ache for just “5 more mins” and then I would fall asleep so hard I would wake up with 10 mins left to get to work. If I wasn’t late, then I would just roll out of bed seriously exhausted. Then I would get to work, feel anxious in my desk, and fight the urge to fall asleep. I seriously thought I was because I was ADHD or something. Again I’ll state that for most of my life I truly thought that I drank like most other adults. I figured everything I did was “normal” to some extent. In these past 14 days I have not only heard my alarm go off, but I have been excited and wide awake after it does. Well…maybe not “excited” but feeling good none the less. Normally if I did accidentally wake up early, (before my toddler wakes up) and i’m unable to go back to sleep, I would just lay and play on my phone for hours, trying to do anything as mindless as possible. These few days I have hopped up, fixed my coffee, and immediately started blogging or getting in support rooms. I have been enjoying my time and mornings before my daughter wakes up. I am developing interests! Not to mention that when the evening comes, I am actually tired and ready to go to sleep at a decent time. Now that I don’t have my night cap bottle of wine anymore I actually sleep comfortably through the night now. It’s just so crazy the simple things you can forget all about when you make alcohol a daily part of your life. Well this morning, after helping my husband and oldest child get ready and out the door (as I usually do) my husband (who is an incredibly and notoriously grumpy morning man) managed to wake my youngest up :-/ . So that means no quite time for this mamma this morning. I am still drinking my coffee and updating my blog (obviously) but my youngest is up and at ’em with me this morning. That means there is no quite time while I do this. Every few sentences or so I am interrupted to get milk, fruit, sponge-bob, blankie, or just “look at me! Look at me Mommy” or say “no” lol. It is annoying don’t get me wrong and manages to grind on my nerves after a while, but I am SO much more capable of handling stressful situations now than I use to be. It’s ironic. Use to when my kids started grinding on my gears, or I was in a stressful situation those were the times I would take a drink so I could maintain calm. Keep in mind I never drank to become blitzed, just to keep from being a nightmare monster of a mother, screaming at every one and breathing smoke. But the funny thing is, while drinking would fix my emotional distress for the moment, I would always end up paying for it later ten fold when the effects wore off, now however, I feel much much more even keeled and like I can handle these situations more calmly on a more consistent basis.

It’s kind of fun for everyday to become a new and positive experience. Especially because I grew so use to everyday being a crap day of irritation and anxiety. Again a massive thanks to all of you who read and send me messages of encouragement, and all the supportive people of Reddit, and Recovery World 🙂

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