Friday 9.19.14

Today is Lyla’s 5 month birthday. I can’t believe how big she’s getting, time really does fly when you have a baby. It feels like my water broke yesterday, except I’m not still sore.

But, jesus christ what a week I’m having. My mom exploded on me for getting a tattoo and told me how disgusting I was and how she doesn’t love me the same. Then she said I should have asked an adult before going ahead and getting it, but I thought I deserved to get myself something after taking care of Lyla 24/7 for about 4 months at the time. I just don’t understand what the big deal with that was, and then I decided to move into Danny’s house, my boyfriend/baby daddy. Which didn’t turn out to be such a relief… He ended up just dipping out on me for his friends for the first few days when he knew how hurt I was because of all the awful things my mom was saying to me. That caused a huge arguement and I decided to go for a walk in the middle of Trenton barefoot. At that moment I really didn’t care because I knew Lyla was safe with her Grandma and Tony. I was just so furious. I was basically going on a Hulk rampage. Which backfired because I was picking glass out of my feet the whole time. I came back home and things were cool. Next night. Danny went to work and I was getting into my Jammies and Lyla rolled off Danny’s bed, which was so scary. We both cried our eyes out for 5 minutes then she was smiling again. My little trooper 🙂 I mean, his bed is only a foot and a half off the ground so it wasn’t too bad and he has carpeting. Next morning I get a text from my friend that my tattoo artist Inky died. I still don’t believe it, I refuse to accept it until I walk into the shop and he’s not there. I don’t even think it’ll hit me at his funeral. His daughter is turning 5 this month, he is her whole world, he was telling me when I got my tattoo that she doesn’t WANT for anything, he spoils her like crazy. He loves his baby girl. I won’t say that he loved her, because to me that makes it real. He can’t be dead. No fucking way. I just saw him. I can’t even explain how lost I feel. I want to see him again and tell him how talented I think he is. I can’t even imagine how his daughter and fiance feel. I can’t take it.

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