Birth-trapped

its time for me to warn you before its too late and you are trapped. Trapped in a life which will make it impossible for you to go back and unread the harsh reality of my story, neither will you be able to move forward from it. Back out now. going back 18 years to where it began …
Birth. It was in a small dirty underdeveloped hospital with little facilities placed in Gujrat (Pakistan) where my soul was first given life. 6th June, uninviting hours of the morning my mother placed her gaze on me the first time. She cried and she sobbed just staring at me. Aunt who was present at the time had hot streaming tears rolling down her cheeks. My father was at the time completing his attachment to become a doctor in another city called Lahore, he was contacted and brought to the hospital immediately. Extremely overjoyed at the birth of his second daughter he excitedly admired me and kissed me but as he unwrapped the hand knitted blankets , he was also a little shocked. In fact everyone that saw for the first time had uncontrollable tears, the question is why? I even managed to breakdown the stronger members of the family such as grandparents. Was it because i was an important arrival or because i was long awaited or maybe just happiness after a lot of hardship. No. none of those reasons. Smile on my face not a worry in the world, little did i know i was severely disabled. crippled looking. legs twisted, 4 toes, no visable knees. hips not in line, one leg shorter then the other, generally of short length. Little did i know. Doctors at the hospital were startled, unsure what to tell my parents after all they had never seen such a sight before. Your probably wondering why a scan in pregnancy wasn’t taken to determine this.. well in our religion determining gender of the baby before isn’t preferred as we believe it is better that we remain uninformed. This is so we don’t start hoping and dreaming for the child instead a surprise will enable parents to be equally pleased no matter what the gender,as the baby has already arrived for you to fall in love with. hence i had only a one or two baby scans in which my disability was unknown. Anyway the next thing was being transported to a specialist hospital in hope i will be diagnosed then cured. while this the large number of family members started travelling back home. Within the hour the whole of my dads village (Wazirabad) had received the breaking news from my grandmother that her daughter-in-law gave birth to a crippled child.It was talked about, it was exaggerated, it was looked down upon. The part that makes it so unbearable is that it was my fathers mother, my grandmother who started these rumors.She talked in awful tongue about me and my mother to everyone she spoke to.. my own blood turned her back on me without giving me a chance. You could say it was the olden days in a village where people were uneducated and hence were not open-minded. But is love, emotion, kindness and attachment really taught in education or should that come naturally?
by this time i had several doctors analyzing every inch of my body coming to my diagnosis, bilateral proximal femoral focal deficiency… and no cure.

that’s all for now, untill next time x

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