grandmother-shame

i was brought back home to my fathers home village. She convinced my mother it was best if we stayed in in the bedroom. Prison bars were not seen guarding the room, but her shame upon us made them visible to our eye.We brought shame to her as she believed that my mother was not capable of giving her a normal grandchild. It is now i who feels shame when looking at her. It was only recently that i discovered all these details overhearing a conversation of my mothers. This exposure literally made my heart sink. Hypocritical, two faced behavior feeds the soul with disappointment and anger. Anger for the time wasted on people, and for not discovering the reality of the person sooner. While visiting Pakistan once a year and her visits to spend time at our various homes i acted completely regular to her as a grandma unaware of the truth. She use to go back every trip giving praise about me to everyone. Now i have realized it is only because she discovered that i am more capable then all her normal grandchildren back home . How can she want to be all close to me only because i got top grades and on the way to university. The love she gave cannot have a single shred of purity to it.. she loves only if it has purpose. Another secret that was buried … she is not my biological grandmother. My daddy’s mother died when him and his siblings were too young to remember. My fathers step-mother only has one daughter with my grandfather whom she treats with up most respect along with her children. I guess i have no hard feelings towards my (step) grandmother, she is an elder so ill continue to give her verbal respect but i will keep an unofficial goal to show her all that i can become until she takes back the ugly words she used for me at my birth.
My father continued working in lahore for a few months while we dealt with the unfair dealings at my grandmothers home. He didnt have appropirate living space to accomadate me and my older sister who was three at the time. My mother did all she could to hold the peace keeping silent no matter what accusation was put on her ( which i do not understand) not wanting more conflicts i guess. It is amazing how jealousy can show the core of peoples thinking. its no secret that my mum was a stunner, beautiful enough to be on many magazine covers. We saw Daddy once a week nearly until he called us to live with him. It was then that he announced to us… we were going to England.
that’s all for now, until next time x

Leave a Comment:

SCROLL TO TOP