Sunday, September 28, 2014

Midterms week officially starts tomorrow and it’s horrifying mostly because I’m, per usual unprepared, BUT in my defence I have kind of a good reason to be distracted… kind of. My friend got hit by a car friday night while her, another friend, and I were walking on the sidewalk. She’s fine in retrospect at least. I mean she’s in pain but she’s still walking around (not that i think she should be. She went home today to go to the doctor so hopefully it’ll be good news. As far as we know though her leg is just severely bruised but that’s just what the ER told us. My most vivid and repeating memory of the entire accident was turning around after the car drove off (yeah of course it was a hit and run) and saw my friend on the ground in the fetal position with a tire mark on her pants. I immediately thought she was dead and let out the most blood curdling scream either of them had ever heard (so they tell me). She said that’s what made her get up because she thought I had got hit but my other friend and I hadn’t been touched by some crazy miracle. I don’t know but it’s really made me depressed. I keep imagining seeing her and thinking she’s dead over and over again. She came by earlier before her dad came to get her and i just wanted to cry looking at her. I went outside for the first time since that night today and I was so paranoid I was rubbing on my bag and trying to stay as far away from the road as possible. My friend that also didn’t get hit (who is also my roommate) is basically the only person who’s been asking if I’m okay but for some reason her concern is pissing me off and I’m avoiding her. I think it may be because how she acted like everything was find that night. I know she was just trying to calm everyone down but she was just making the whole situation seem like it wasn’t a big deal. I also just feel horrible for wanting some attention but I just don’t feel right at all. The whole thing shook me up a lot and I’m still not quite right. I’m going to the school counseling office in the morning instead of class, because for one I’ve been avoiding it since last year and for another I can’t function like this. I literally don’t want to leave my room. I want to talk to someone but I dont want to be selfish. I don’t know. Even just now hearing a car rev its engine just made my chest clench. I don’t want to be too afraid to go outside at night. Those night walks are the only thing that have kept me at least partly sane. I’m also feeling extremely selfish because since my friend needs to recuperate and I’m avoiding my other friend my only other choice is my oldest friend who isn’t exactly the most reliable and I need reliable but beggars can’t be choosers (unfortunately)


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