He had to go to the hospital today.

I saw on Facebook today that he had to go to the hospital due to anxiety attacks. He saw a little boy get hit by a car. And he did not survive. When I saw his post, I freaked out a little bit, because I thought maybe someone had done something to him. He is in a well known drug area, and sells pot- one of the reasons why I left him. I didn’t want to wind up in jail- which is somewhere he has been a few times now. I try not to talk about my daughter to him much, I know it must be hard- he says all the time how much he still loves me. I will always type that I love him too, but I end up deleting the message before I send it. Sometimes it is just easier if I say it- even if I don’t say it. He asked about her today, said that maybe one day he would be in her life. Then I thought back to why I left, and I decided that I wouldn’t ever want her to be in the same situation as he is. I would never want her to be in that environment. I became afraid for his life when I saw that post. It opened my eyes today- a little more. I still love him I wont deny it, but I would never want to be with him again. I will still be friends with him, I would never want that to change. I still enjoy talking to him, but it hurts a little less this time. My chest does not cringe every time he calls me ‘Hun’ or ‘sweetie’ and it makes me feel like a better person in that stance. I was so afraid for the longest time I made a mistake when I left him, but now i’m sure it was no mistake.

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