the thought of suicide never leaves your mind. does anybody even care? no. people ask how you are, but just to be polite. he didn’t care when he told me to kill myself. she didn’t care when she said goodnight. you could just kill yourself right now, and nobody would mind. they would still go out, still look up at the stars, still go to the movies. they would go about their lives, but easier this time. do you know what having depression and being suicidal feels like? it engulfs you like a wave does to a surfer. it drowns you, and you cant get up for air. the water enters your lungs, and feels like fire. like you’re in a fiery hell you cant escape. you choke up, throw up, scream, scratch, cut. but nothing takes away the feeling of the shittyness you feel. you could bring a bottle to your lips and a razor to your hips but that’s only temporary, until next time. the burn of the alcohol and razor feel familiar, but you cant quite remember what it is. now tell me what being normal feels like.