what does it feel like to be normal?

the thought of suicide never leaves your mind. does anybody even care? no. people ask how you are, but just to be polite. he didn’t care when he told me to kill myself. she didn’t care when she said goodnight. you could just kill yourself right now, and nobody would mind. they would still go out, still look up at the stars, still go to the movies. they would go about their lives, but easier this time. do you know what having depression and being suicidal feels like? it engulfs you like a wave does to a surfer. it drowns you, and you cant get up for air. the water enters your lungs, and feels like fire. like you’re in a fiery hell you cant escape. you choke up, throw up, scream, scratch, cut. but nothing takes away the feeling of the shittyness you feel. you could bring a bottle to your lips and a razor to your hips but that’s only temporary, until next time. the burn of the alcohol and razor feel familiar, but you cant quite remember what it is. now tell me what being normal feels like.

One thought on “what does it feel like to be normal?”

  1. hi, I don’t know if it’s appropriate to comment or if you even want to hear anything. I just want you to know I’ve been in incredibly deep states of despair too. I know how that feels and it can go on for a long time. I think there are some people that feel things very intensely. I think suffering teaches us what we are supposed to learn. I am almost to the point where I welcome suffering so I can observe it and grow from it. I don’t know you but I have compassion for you and love. I think many other people do too. I think life can be very tough but we’re here for a reason. We may not find out what that is but I think life is worth living to discover what’s inside ourselves, our fears, our loves, and begin to developing a higher consciousness. I hope this helps you.

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