What if

What if the only thing I learn from life is how hard it is to hold on to the people you love. I feel like every day I become more distant from everyone, my friends, my parents, my boyfriend. As life progresses you start to lose touch and it’s so depressing. Where does everyone go? For years of my life I’d see my friends everyday and talk about anything for hours, but now I hesitate every time I pick up the phone because I need to plan topics to talk about or I feel like there will be awkwardness.  When did communicating become so difficult? I feel so alone when I’m upset, my boyfriend doesn’t want to hear it and my friends have become so distant. My parents will always be there, but I feel like they don’t want to hear me talk about anything else besides how well I’m doing. The last thing I want is for them to be disappointed. I wasn’t the easiest child to raise I just want them to think I’m okay. The friends I’ve made lately are really not true friends to me, I trust friends so easily and then they turn around and stab me in the back and I just don’t know what to do. I had one real best friend, but she’s in school in Alabama and it’s impossible to talk to her she’s so incredibly busy all the time. When we do talk it’s only for a few minutes and I feel like it hurts me more than it hurts her because she is kept busy, she doesn’t have time to really understand what’s it’s like to wait on the other end of the phone.

2 thoughts on “What if”

  1. It feels almost like a Catch-22, right? You want someone to be there but you are afraid of getting close, so you find ways to avoid people who love you.

  2. It’s okay to be afraid of getting hurt – every one is somehow – but you have to realize that there are people who want to talk to you. If things get awkward, usually the next day you can just laugh it off with them. I used to hide, but then someone started talking to me, and I didn’t know what to do. So I figured I’d try to be the friend I never could be. Now I’ve turned into an almost stalker, and He’s still here for me even after things got really awkward when I started crying in front of him… There’s always someone willing to reach out to you, you just have to let them…

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