1.5.14

Ya know, I realized something….
What reasons do I have to hate myself? None. I have the perfect boyfriend, decent looks, & understanding parents. I’ll probably rant about them tomorrow after they yell at me for my grades but I still know that they love me & that they understand. Yeah, my mom will probably say horrible things to me today & not be pissed off tomorrow & she still won’t apologize. I still know she loves me & I can still talk to her.

Grades don’t matter to me. They’re no who I am. I can take this semester and kick ass with it. I can finish off my year with bad grades and be fine with it. I will still be kick ass. Or I can have perfect grades & be kick ass with those too. Why should grades matter? They don’t. Not to me anyway. I only have three dreams and my grades don’t effect any of them.
• to be a famous singer
• to be a famous author; as good as Nicholas Sparks
• to be a model
Grades effect none of the above & I can’t let my parents or teachers tell me that they do. I have a good head on my shoulders and don’t need to be knocked down because of grades in classes with crappy teachers who lose my work or tests I failed because of my sleeping problems. Those letters and numbers are not who I am & they never will be.

Looks. Yeah, sure, sometimes I hate the way I look. Usually, I just hate the way my zits look. With a bit of makeup, a cute outfit, & perfect hair, I feel great about myself. Maybe, I just need to put effort into myself every morning, get up on time, get my coffee, and go to school with killer confidence.

Boyfriend. Lordy. We were a match made in Heaven, I swear. That could just be the teenage hormones talking but I really do love him. He’s amazing. Sure, there are some things I would change if I could but he was meant for me, I know that much. He’s sweet, funny, and always has this smile on his face that makes me want to melt.

Friends. Aubrey is pretty much my only true friend. There are definitely other people you can call my “friend,” but no one comes close to Aubrey. There’s a bond between Aubrey and I that has never been broken in all of the three years of knowing her. I don’t have any close friends here but you know what? I’m just going to have to suck it up and be grateful of the fact that we do have kik, Skype, Facebook, and all of that. I’m just going to have to accept the fact that making a really good friend here will take time. Honestly, I think I’d be okay with not making such a close friend before moving from here. I know I’m not going to stay here after grad so why doesn it matter? I know for a fact I will still have Aubrey & I’m pretty confident that I will still be with Cody & if we’re not then we will still be close friends.

I’m done doubting everything. I’m done doubting myself, my friends, family, & love. I’m done. It’s sickening and unhealthy. I have many reasons to love my life and I do.

So, I finish out my last day of winter vacation promising myself to not spend this year hating everything & everyone.

 

 

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