Jan 5th, 2015 (AKA optimism is hard!)

Today was not the best.
I mean, nothing really genuinely bad happened, but I’ve been in a sort of slump all day.  I woke up really early, like before 7am, but I thought it was 7pm and that I’d been asleep for over 16 hours.  And that’s a terrifying thought to me.  The idea of losing a whole day to sleep.  I’ve gotten very close to that before (yesterday I slept for 12 hours) so this idea wasn’t too much of a stretch.
So I’m like full on shaking freaking out thinking that I lost a full day, when I walk into the office and my dad is in his bathrobe and tells me it’s 7am and I’m just like ‘Ohhh…  I am an idiot…’
Anyway, I’m still sorta shaken up but I get up and grab something to eat and eventually get cold so I go to my room then I get tired so I fall asleep again and wake up at 11, which isn’t too bad.

Overall, it wasn’t a bad day.  I cooked something tonight that I’d never cooked (or seen someone else cook) before and it was so good that my vegetarian father went and got some too.  This dish had chicken in it for goodness sake!
I also had a great convo with Sara about my party and we were planning stuff that would cost millions of dollars and just generally having a ball.  We worked out the cost of 10million balloons and how many helium tanks we’d need and we were gonna book Beyonce and Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj and get pony rides and two limos and 100 disco balls.  It was great!

But tonight Zach started talking about his issues with his dad and it brought up everything that happened with my mum and I felt like shit and still feel like shit and I don’t know.  It’s really tiring to constantly be optimistic about things.  Like, helping people through their issues and stuff.  I love him and I love my friends but it’s hard to be there for them and help them when they can’t help me.  I’m not good at talking about my problems.  I don’t really like being pitied or being given advice when the people giving it don’t understand what they’re talking about.
Idk.  This is a less than happy post.  Apparently they come every other day!

THINGS I’M GRATEFUL FOR TODAY
-Marion’s Kitchen food range.  Honestly all of her stuff is delicious and so easy to make it’s just tasty as.  Any Aussies who like spicy food should definitely get on it.
-Sara.  No matter what she makes me laugh.  I love her a lot.
-Trevor Hall.  Specifically the song ‘Other Ways’.  It really helps me to keep on going.  I’ll post the chorus lyrics…
When I think about all the other ways I could have played,
All the other simple moves I could have made,
All the other cards that I could have dealt,
All the books I didn’t read upon my shelf,
All of the other ways I could have sung my songs,
Realized that none of it went wrong,
And it was all played.
How could it be any other way?

It just makes me happy.  Like, everything that happened and will happen all helps you along and that the ‘what if’s’ don’t matter because really what happened happened and what will happen will happen.  It sounds kinda bleak when put like that but the song lyrics are super nice.

That helped a lot actually.  I’m gonna listen to the song before I go to sleep.
Happy tomorrow my dears 🙂 🙂

2 thoughts on “Jan 5th, 2015 (AKA optimism is hard!)”

  1. It sucks to hear you’re feeling like shit! I hope things will get better for you soon!
    And I wanted to say I really like your writing style and how you try to stay positive even though you don’t feel like it.
    Sleep tight =)

  2. As usual, a really cool journal littlebirdie. I seriously like how you write your journals–really humourous and positive and cute!! I love how you state all the things that you are grateful for every day. Anyway, keep writing your fantastic journals!!

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