I need a space to freely express myself without judgement. a friend of mine has used online journals for years and since I am currently travelling, online seems the most suitable medium.
There are many things I would like to change about myself, but wanting to and actually doing are very different. Sometimes I really want to do something; get fit, go for a walk, leave the house, not be so grumpy – and yet I have two voices inside my head. One telling me that I know I should, its good for my physical and mental health to leave the house each day, and another telling me… TOO MUCH EFFORT. How do you choose which voice to listen to? It is an amazingly large struggle between voices, whenever I am left alone. It is only when I am alone that I get sad, depressed, frustrated and often take it out on people who do not deserve it.
I wish I were a calmer person with emotions that did not fly down either end of the spectrum. That is something I really wish I had.. Even my partner said she thinks I am emotionally unstable earlier this week. That made it really hit home.