Dear Diary,

The snow is quite extraordinary, collectively each single snowflake falls creating the visual effect of a blizzard.  Except each little particle of dust is traumatized.  That is how we relate.  I’m so lost in my own world of self pity, that I am unable to let others in because I don’t know where the door is.  I don’t know the first step in finding it either.  He expects too much from someone like me.  I get hurt, upset, depressed and it’s continual.  It doesn’t come and go, and I can’t push it aside whenever it’s most convenient for others.  It’s always there and he doesn’t get that.  He wants to help, he can fix me.  I can’t be fixed because nothing is broken.  I’m just dead.  I feel and expierence pain but I’ve grown numb.  I’m unsaveable and he doesn’t get that.  I let him in, and I am gonna push him away and I’m sorry.  I thought he was the answer, it only made sense because he was the last time I was happy, but if he’s not the answer what scares me the most is that I don’t know what is

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