Day 11: Awful morning

As many people know, that know me well, I am the worst morning person ever.  It’s either I am an emotional wreak pouring tears, a monster ready to bite your head off, or the sleepwalker (self explanatory I hope)

This morning the emotional wreak came into play.  I had to wake up at 6 am and be at work at 7.  So I didn’t get any coffee.  Hardly a good wink of sleep.  I half assed getting ready this morning to pinch for a few more zzz’s.  Can you blame me?  It all started in the shower.

My mind was going 100 miles an hour and only on a bad thought track.  Everything awful in my life that makes me depressed, upset, or sad came to light.  I tried to control it.  Some of the issues were about my boyfriend.  So guess what happens when he texts me not too long after I get to work?  Waterworks! Yay! (sarcasm)  I tried to hold it in.  I had to stop what I was doing a few times to take a breather and be able to collect myself.  Finally after almost 2 hours or so of that I finally pulled myself together.  Though I’m sure people could tell cuz they were treating me weirdly.  Whatever.  I have the moments.  I’m used to them.  They should be too.  My coworkers at my old job were.  Though unlike there I don’t have a place to go hide when it happens.

After that it was just an awful day.  Couldn’t get my work done right for some reason.  My mind wasn’t in it and my heart was no where to be found.  It probably had asked my ribs to create a dark cave for it to hide in.

Have you ever heard someone who was tired of sex?  Well i am.  I am tired of it.  I don’t want it as much as a normal person.  I like it.  I get a good feeling from it.  But it’s temporary.  I get satisfaction through other ways.  By being loved and spoiled and needed.  If I don’t feel these things I don’t feel satisfied.  It is selfish to want satisfaction but you know in some areas you gotta be selfish so you don’t kill yourself from being miserable.  I do what I gotta do ok?

I need some tea.  Have a good one folks.  I think this is enough for today.

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