I have so much that I want to say/write, do and become. I guess I will start here, writing. My life has always been hectic, mental illness, addiction, and not so well health. I’m not complaining, I used to though. I just went through a health scare the past two weeks, it was very scary actually, I’m not supposed to be here but yet again God isn’t ready for me. I’m not going to get into detail, but I do want to say that I am very grateful to still be here.
As for life, it really is beautiful. I had to fight hard to get to seeing it that way again, but again I’m very grateful and there’s so much I want to do with it and so much I want to become to the point where I don’t even have a clue of where to begin. As of lately I’ve been reading a lot and working on my spirituality and enjoying every second of that. I have a burning in my heart, in my soul to help people, not just career wise, in my day to day as well. It all just wants to pour out of me, like I could burst. It’s hard to believe all of the years I was so depressed, all the years my thoughts and emotions were so distorted. I learned for me that’s what it all was, distorted thoughts. Our minds can be very destructive if we ALLOW them to be, but when you’re “in it” you don’t realize that’s all that it is…..distorted thoughts. It all feels so hopeless. I hope to never allow myself to slip back.
I want to do so much, I want to learn so much. It feels amazing to be so excited about life, even with my health issues. I was diagnosed with M.S. over a year ago, it’s been hard to manage but it also is what I think had a lot to do with waking me up back to life. It has made me remember how strong of a person I actually am and how fortunate as well. Yes, M.S. is hard to deal with but I could have it so much worse and I remember that everyday.
I want to get involved. I want to be more, do more, for myself and for others. I’m looking into volunteering in my county. I have a huge weak spot for the less fortunate, mostly the homeless so I’ve been looking into how I can help with that. Also in the near future I want to connect with and help others who suffer with M.S, I could learn so much too by helping others with the disease. It’s a very tricky one, it effects everyone differently.
I want to write more but I’m pretty exhausted. I just got discharged last night from a few weeks in the hospital. I went in with M.S. complications and three days in I caught a very deadly case of the flu and pneumonia at the same time. Very scary that was.