Corn-fed, natural, strong and hard working

Went out to see the movie, “American Sniper” today. Like most military or sports related movies, I absolutely loved it and cannot wait to go see it again. Or I’m counting the days the DVD is released. I was the same way with Lone Survivor.

The movie is based around the life of Chris Kyle, a great American Hero. He devoted his life to helping the people around him and saving so many American lives. The demeanor of his personality is catchy for a woman like myself. When I looked back at what I wanted in a man when I was younger, or what I found attractive- it was always a natural, hick form, of a corn-fed, strong, hard working man.

I guess you can say that I got a lot of that out my husband. Granted, he doesn’t come with the hillbilly accent. The only other thing that he also doesn’t possess is that Southern male charm. The type of man that knows how to talk to and treat a lady. Respectful, but not kissing her ass.

I guess I wanted that Southern charm. A man that realizes what he has- so in the moment that I’m having a period and I am being a bitch for my rightfully deserved moment, he can either laugh at my face or in the very least let it go and leave it alone. Sometimes I wonder where my life would be if I never held on. In moments that I should have just walked away from my husband while we were dating- I wonder where I would be if I decided to just walk. I wonder why the hell I stayed around and dealt with so much.

My biggest fear is that I’m going to be 40 years old and pissed off or resentful because I should have walked. I don’t want to have to be old and wrinkly and figure this out again.

I discussed a lot with my husband recently and he genuinely seemed upset that he was hurting me the way he was. He also stated that work has a lot to do with the way he treats me at times, and wishes that he wasn’t like that. Definitely in need of fixing this part up.

I’m happy that he is willing to see these things. Obviously our marriage needs to be fixed. I guess all marriages have their bumps in the road. My bumps seem to be a little more pronounced or a little more dramatic.

I’m hoping with time that a lot of this can be something of the past. That family life doesn’t change. That the girls are able to have a life that I wasn’t given the chance to having: a family with both parents under the same roof.

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