Your wheelchair My broken Heart

We had to get your wheelchair today, and yet I know its a major milestone in your little world. Its a huge step for your future so that you can make strides in your life, so you can feel more comfortable and adjust to life better, I know that you need this.. As your mother I knew this day was coming. I tried so hard pretty girl to prepare myself for it. I tried to get ready to see you the wheelchair to see you sitting in it like a big girl. But I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.. Because I knew this was marking the point in life that people say well no your not walking yet, and theres something we need to do to intervene.. Its like people wait to see their children walk, I waited heart broken to see you in the chair. And that’s hard on my heart, Ill never repeat this to you because you don’t need to know how hard its been for me to see you struggle. how hard its been for me to know you may never walk or never talk. But I keep dreaming and praying, and wishing for those things…But seeing and watching your get this chair and setting this whole thing up kinda like took a little bit of my dreams away..Kinda like maybe flashed before my eyes that my dreams might never come true. Getting the chair kinda opened my eyes, it slapped me with reality that you really are growing your not a little girl and your diagnosis is really coming to light. and it hurts deeps inside. When I am alone and writing or thinking its when it really shows thru me.. ITs when I break down and hurting is when I allow my demons of your diagnosis get ahold of me. I can’t learn to deal with it, its too hard… I don’t want to face to truth or the facts.  Im sorry its hurt me too this point that I am breaking down like this, I am sorry I am mess when no ones around. But I have to stay strong when people are watching because your depending on me, your life and needs are more important then people having to worry about you and I. YOur my world and no matter how hard things get for me inside your struggles are harder and ill always be here for you ill always be right behind you to watch you to catch you and support you. So even though this has been a big heart breaker for me I know this in the end will be good for you and its going to benefit you.. I know you need this.. I just wish it didn’t hurt to bad to see you in it.

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