Thinking of him.. Lying in bed. Repeating visions in my head. He kept asking what’s wrong knowing everything wasn’t okay. I lied & said I was fine. But really what’s wrong with me..? Him. The words that he said..
” You treated me like shit last time, this time its not ganna happen.”
I treated him like shit? I texted him back right away. I was 100% loyal, I put him before my family & friends, I even texted him sweet long paragraphs telling him how much I love him, I gave that fucker my all. But when I needed him the most.. When I was on the edge of giving up.. When I was hopelessly craving for some type of closure to pick myself back up.. Instead of helping, he brought me lower. He made me feel as if I was worth less then nothing. That’s when our love story hit its climax. I didn’t treat him like shit, I gave him a taste of his own medicine. I wish I could’ve found these words when this event occurred..
Sadly I replied with silence. He demanded me to open the window, remembering his piercing words I acted as if I heard nothing. Slowly my silent treatment irritated him. So he chucked a water bottle at my face. Pushing my last button, I threw it back a long with a lighter. He threw them both back a long with a shoe only twice as harder. Furious I threw back, and then we began to wrestle. Struggling trying to go against his strength; I digged my nails into your neck. Constantly switching positions, some how we managed to get to the edge of the bed. He violently pushed me off the edge, along fell his back massager, and then too top it of he threw a pillow on top of me screaming “You fucken dick!!!!” Anger boiling beneath my skin; I could almost feel my heart turn cold. I bounce right back up and chucked the back massager back at him. He tackles me down onto the bed & puts me in a choke hold. He asked.. “Are you going to fucken chill out?” I took a couple breaths & he eventually released me.
Although at the time I seemed calm & collect but really.. Chills were going up my spine, I was shaking, my heart was pounding out of my chest; almost skipping beats. Barley keeping myself together I packed a bowl.. He noticed my struggle.
Picking my chin up he ask me if I was okay. I could barley look at him; let a lone talk to him. I didn’t reply. But he did.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” I quietly speaked.
We both settled in silence. Eventually he apalagized; and I said it was okay.
……….I lied, and he knew. So he begged for the truth……..
“Your lieing, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing I love you.”
Looking into my eyes.. He said
“No you don’t, your scared of me..”
Holding back my tears, knowing it’s ganna take me forever to forgive him.. I replied with
“Ahah no I’m not Alan, I love you and I’m fine.”