Trying to reach the impossible

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You know readers I was reading over my post from a couple of days ago and I just remembered that I really didn’t tell you about me. I had written a post saying how I didn’t want to be anonymous, but after looking at it I deleted it. I started this journal in hope that I finally found a site where I can be myself and express all my most inner thoughts no matter what they are. So here I am. This is me. My name is Kayla & I am 26 years old believe it or not. I am very close with my family they mean everything to me. Let me start out by saying my parents divorced when I was 8 years old, so I was used to it being just me and my mom. My dad well he could come and go. He recently wanted to be apart of my life especially after hearing about his heath problems. I love him I really do and want to have some type of father daughter relationship, but I guess somethings won’t change. He still calls and comes and goes. Anyway…
I am part of a blended family my mom decided to get remarried in 2012 so not only do I have my own little brother who is 12.I also gain a stepdad, but 2 stepbrothers and 1 stepsister. I also have my grandmother who I am very close to, she is like my best friend. I have my grandfather who had his leg amputated in 2013. I have an uncle, who honestly doesn’t act like a uncle at all. I also have 3 cousins youngest is 6 and he loves spending time with his cousin.That is my family they may not be perfect but I love them.
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I do have a love life. I know that is hard to believe.I am happily taken, been taken since 8-26-2006, I recently got in engaged, well not too recently like 2 months ago. We have not set the date yet, we are still thinking about it.I guess you can say that our relationship had a lot of up and downs. We been through so much.He means everything to me. I honestly would not be as happy as I am with out him. I am truly *ah-hem* Perfectly, Extremely, Stupendously, Immensely, Ecstatically, Incredibly happy with him.Because of him I am sure that I am in love and that I want to be with him for the rest of my life.I’m just with him and in the moment. We’re in our own little “Matt and Kayla” world.He is a truly amazing person.I thank God every night that I have him and that he’s with me and loving me as much as I love him. It’s truly amazing to have such a perfect person in my life and feeling the same feelings that I am. We go through the same things..same thoughts.same weird thoughts sometimes..I have never been able to act so crazy with someone before. I’d always, no matter how comfortable I was with someone I could never completely be myself. With him, it’s so different.I’ve truly never felt this way before. I can’t even fully put into words how I really feel. There aren’t enough adjectives to describe how I feel with him and about him. It’s simply amazing. I want to spend the rest of my life with him,I honestly cant wait till that day comes.
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I talked about myself,family and relationship. I did mention in my last entry how I love photography, I discovered photography when I was 15 years old, after a art teacher I had when I was in highschool told me I had no artistic talent. I wanted to prove him wrong. To me photography is not what you see but, it’s what you let others see. Everything I am is in every photograph I take. This is me, at my very best, doing what I love. Photography is a way of feeling, touching, & loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever. It remembers little things, long after you have because the only thing that can stop time is a picture. A picture is worth a thousand words, even if none are spoken to make it. That each time you take a photo, you are preserving a bit of yourself in a wonderful memory. To me Photography is about seeing all the little things in life and showing others that it is the beauty of life that is captured.
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At first, photography starts as a hobby creating a Deviantart account, posting my work getting feedback, but no big intention. I just know that I love taking pics, and you do so. But it came a time when, without realizing, that I got more serious and I start working harder on my photos, analyzing new concepts. And the years go on and on, and I find out photography is my lifetime passion. What I enjoy doing the most and what I want to make a living out of. I realized that now a days it is actually harder, because everyone has a smart phone with a good camera and then they call themselves photographers. I realized there is no business in it. One day I looked at myself in the mirror, and I noticed that I am still young and I am trying to reach the impossible. It doesn’t look like it though, tons of people much younger than me have already been successful. Why can’t I? Why can’t I develop my photography skills even more? I am slowly starting to invest, I want to learn, I want to create, and I want it now. I sometimes write to a lot of photographers and applied to work at a couple of photography studios. I do know that it does take effort, and it will give me benefits.
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But I have a lot of barriers, people tell me that I am not worth it, emails are unanswered and I just feel stuck.Taking pictures in my house with a tripod and dreaming big. Close family tells me that my biggest fault is that I want more than I can get. And maybe, just maybe I am being too ambitious and it’s time to slow down and resign.

One thought on “Trying to reach the impossible”

  1. Anybody that ever achieved anything started somewhere. You grow as you do. Follow your heart. You don’t have to be the best ever to succeed, and maybe you have a small percent that appreciates how you do your thing but it’s good to be an individual and what you create because you love it is a reward in itself. Don’t give up and don’t listen to the critics. Enjoy!

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