questions

You two have no idea how that made me feel. How bad that hurt. How betrayed and humiliated I felt. Her thinking nothing about sending you a pic despite knowing how I feel about that. Despite my saying in no uncertain terms on numerous occasions that that behavior was inacceptable. Knowing I am sitting right there. Both of you laughing about not telling her bf the details because you both knew he wouldn’t be happy but absolutely no regard for me. For how I would feel. You being proud of getting her the piercings as her Christmas gift. Your money was too tight to go out and get gifts. That is what you kept saying but yet she could have a gift. It’s not about the idea of getting a gift or not, but the premise, the thought behind it. And gift that inappropriate, that was your idea to begin with. I’m less than her? I deserve less than her? I felt sick. I wanted to cry. My whole body got cold, my heart dropped into my stomach. I had to laugh to keep from breaking down, I wanted to scream at both of you. I wanted to cry. I held my tongue. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Am I over reacting? No, it’s nothing. You openly told me so this is all it is and you are being honest about it. This is all there is and I shouldn’t worry. Or is there more going on? Am I just a joke to you two? Or do you just feel comfortable enough with me not to be on guard all the time? I didn’t know, I can’t know. I wanted to see with my own eyes how you two interacted. Face to face. The body language, the looks. See for myself if there is truly something to worry about or not. Something to deal with or not. I heard the rumors all before. About some hot tub incident. About you being infatuated with her and was trying to get with her. I hope it’s not true. Wait, is that why she wanted you to take her to the club? No, I can’t, it can’t, it can’t be true. Telling myself it’s just a rumor. It means nothing. Wanted to see you two interact but now that won’t happen. I won’t be welcome up there and if by some rare chance I am, you both will be on your Ps and Qs. I was the one hurt and feeling disrespected by both of you. She isn’t innocent, she played as much of a role in it all. But I’m the bad guy, the one to be shamed for my feelings and wanting to get it off my chest. To not internalize it, not think about it every waking moment. Needed to talk to someone who knew both of you. Someone who knows your personalities. Someone who could see both sides and not just the one side. Should I be worried? How casually it all happened, was there more that was hidden? Was this the worst of it or not. D wasn’t supposed to say anything to her, just be my sounding board. Let me vent and only about the picture. But I’m the bad guy. I’m the one who needs to watch what I say to people…………

One thought on “questions”

  1. Why do people do things like this? I mean, we’re all human and most of us have feelings. To completely disregard ones feelings is foul. I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain a bit. What you’re feeling is completely justified. If I were in your shoes, I would have just cried. You’re a stronger person than I. I hope things turn around and karma strikes back.

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