I have been sitting here for a while, trying to figure out why I am so upset. It is a lot of things really, but mainly its the fact that no one listens to me. People at church will greet me and say “Hey Andrea, How are you” They don’t really want to know how I am though. All they want to hear is that I am good so they can move on.
My husband doesn’t even listen to me. The other day I was talking about how I seriously want to get out of Indiana and move back to Corpus Christi Texas. He called it a hair brained idea, and changed the subject.
I hate Indiana. It has been nothing but trouble since I got here 7 years ago. I only moved here to help out a friend, who in turn kicked me out of her life the second I ran out of money.
After that, we wanted to move back to Texas but we didn’t have the money. We mad due though. We made some friends, got involved in church and basically just did what we had to do to get through each day.
Since then we have been evicted twice. Both from places that were not worth missing. One had rats running all through the place and the other was infested with bedbugs and just about every other critter. We even had a problem with racoons going under the house and getting in the house from a hole under the kitchen sink in our last place. It was disgusting. Because of the bedbugs we had to leave all of our furniture, and lot of my sons toys that could not be washed and sterilized. A lot of stuff was also ruined by the critters that liked to chew and scratch at everything.
Then to top it all off, last week we had to find one of my dogs a home because she is over the weight limit for where we are staying. That just tore my heart out to give her away. In the next couple of weeks we are supposed to make arrangements so my son can see her and know she is OK. Personally though I don’t think it is going to be a good idea. Not only will it confuse the dog, but I don’t have it in me to say goodbye again. I don’t think it will be good for my son either. But my husband thinks it’ll be OK, and he already promised my son…so who cares what I think?
I just can’t take much more…this is the lowest I have been in a long time. I really just want to go get drunk and forget everything.
That being said I have been sober for 7 years…and the town I live in is dry so it is out of the question.