My brain hurts

I’m having another rough day. I had a great day. Went to the MW office, found out that the nursing home is reopening, went to the lake with S and pretty much had a chill day.

I don’t know why I’m so anxious then. I’m freaking (racing thoughts I suppose) out about everything possible. Money, S, weight, school, moving out…like I said everything.

On pi day S and I had a huge fight. As soon as L&A left after pie we went upstairs. I had been smoking maybe half a bowl and a very potent edible so I was feeling good and ready to go. When we got upstairs S fell asleep. I tried to wake him up. Nothing. So I went downstairs to watch a movie for a bit he came down to get me, we went back then he fell asleep playing with me. That was my last. I know he works crazy hours but for the love of Beelz stay awake when your woman wants to fuck. I went certifiably bat shit. After sort of going off on him he got up and started to put his shoes on. So I stoke one and sat on it until he lifted me up and retrieved it. After that I sat on the floor in front of the door. For a good 5 minutes I ranted and raved and generally went craycray. When I had said my piece and came back from my anger black out I realized what I had done. I got up went to my bed and continued the craziness…only with tears. I sobbed like I can’t ever remember. And through it all he was there kissing me and holding me even while I kept telling him to leave. ¬†After I stopped crying…sort of he got on top of me took my clothes off and fucked me like I’ve never had. It was rough. It was the best. I love a good rough fuck. He’s more into the sweet tender kissing look you in the eyes type of love making session, which is fine… But it gets old for me.

I know I have borderline personality disorder and I hate it. But I’m so glad I have S who for some reason is able to love me past my craziness. I love him so much and I don’t want to push him away.


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