Guilt?

Trying to “disect” my innerself again… I know this feeling is temporary…. it will fade just as everything does in life if you don’t give it attention anymore… I read something that I thought was so impressive and spoke volumes to me, Katryn Budig said: “Honestly, I don’t waste my time feeling guilt. I don’t feel like there’s any time for that. ”  This struck me deep…. I think my inner world would be so much happier and brighter if I could do that! But how do you not feel guilt at all? For anything you do or say? That sounds like a perfect life to me… impossible, right? I start to think it is just something human and something that is inside of us and has been with us throught out our lives… whenever you think you did something wrong or been unfair to somebody you beat yourself up for it… apology isn’t always enough… so I ask myself if I never felt guilt for anything I did wouldn’t it make me an extremly cold hearted person? or do I see it wrong? for me to never feel guilt about anything I would have to become this perfect person who does everything right…. but what is right or wrong then? I mean we are all our own individuals and for each and every one of is that is different… because if I hurt somebody and don’t think I did anything wrong but that person feels different about it, doesn’t it make me an inconsiderate person? So it really makes me wonder what Katryn really ment by it…

Most of the time it is not hard for me to admit my mistakes.. and even worse I take the blame for many things I didn’t do wrong…. it is very easy for me to blame myself and find fault in me… I guess I grew up with this… so how do I change it? I am learning to let things go more easily, but this one would be pretty hard… like: Okay, I screwed up… I apologized… I tried to fix it, maybe succeeded maybe not, but I did my best and if there’s nothing else I can do about it I need to let it go right? I guess that’s how it works…

I guess life is as complicated as we make it… and I am an overthinker… and overthinking never leads to anything good… so we are back to the starting point of this all: letting go!

 

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