There are a lot of things in my mind right now. I don’t know why, but I kinda love writing about a lot of different topics. I may have written topics about life, being a nurse, professionalism, human relationships, etc, but I haven’t written something about “Love and Attraction.” Maybe because this topic is quite popular and a lot of people have written about it. I have read a lot of articles about it on the Internet and I have a reason for reading them. I find most of the articles similar and some are quite unique. I am going to write about this topic far more differently than the other articles. This is going to be based on my experience.
To start with, I, too, had experienced a lot of different kinds of love and attraction (they come in many different ways and all are very unique). I am already married so it was really difficult in my case to deal with it. I have talked to a lot of people who are not close to me (this is more like just being safe, you know you cannot really tell these kinds of things to people close to you, even with your bestest and closest friends). I have read articles about it as well. I have learned a lot about it and followed some of the advises I read to keep my sanity intact (I was really going crazy about what to do with my feelings). When I have finally gained enough knowledge, I finally saw the light. Meaning, no matter how much you try to keep it, it will eventually show in many other ways if you like a person. If a person is a keen observer, he or she might already have the thought about your feelings for someone even if you don’t say it. These people (keen observers) may have known it, but, of course, they are not going to ask you about it (afraid you might deny it). Below are the signs I showed when I had special feelings for someone:
1. Comfort Zone: When you are comfortable, you tend to not mind everything around you, even your face, your choice of clothes, your hair, and even your shoes. You can talk comfortably to anyone without having difficulties in thinking about what you are going to say. You don’t even care about what you or how you do it. All that matters is your comfortable and you feel good about it (at least that is who I was). When I started to notice the person (the person I was in love with), the first feeling I got was “awkwardness”. I begun to be more conscious about my face (I started putting light make-up I don’t usually do), my clothes (I critically choose what to wear), my hair (I had my hair cut like several times to make it look good), and bought new shoes. When I stepped in the office, I kept my hair down and always minding my periphery and the way I walk. Silence comes in (because I don’t know if I should greet him or not, expect on occasions when I see him looking at me, and me being polite, I say “hi”). And then, there goes my “uneasiness”. I cannot talk to him comfortably anymore. Whenever he starts to talk about different topics, I find myself “stuck” and I have to pause for a few minutes (or a few seconds) before I reply (for the sake of me not looking stupid around him). Hence, I have to go back to my comfort zone (silence).
2. Memory activated: When you care less to people who are not close to you, you tend to simply know and acknowledge things they want, but not necessarily do something about it (like, when your friend tell he likes coffee, you will respond “that is nice.” or ” you can have coffee tomorrow (maybe later)”. You might forget promises you made, but still, not feeling so guilty about it. In my case (being in love), I tend to remember everything that person likes, his dislikes, his gestures, his expressions, and even his smell. We were not friends and not even close, but I feel like I know everything about him. I even give him presents I know he likes. There was one time that he told me that he likes something (a fruit that is not in its season). I automatically responded that I would get it for him. It took me a day, but I finally got it for him. He was so happy (and he was so adorable while he was looking at it)! I felt my heart jumped at that time because I was able to get him what he wants.
3. Empathizing/Sympathizing: You can empathize with other people, regardless if you have feelings for them or not. When your certain someone is having troubles (is stressed out), you can feel it. There is an unusual energy that is making you feel the troubles even if he doesn’t tell you about it. You know that this person is having problems and you, automatically become available. You let this person know that you are there for them to help in anyway you could. If this person opens up, you give your full attention to everything that person says. (its human nature I guess)
4. Nothing matters: You may have other more important things in your mind and more priorities that you have to think about, but your thought of him is there. You cannot help but think about this person. You may have accomplished a lot of important tasks, but he is still there in your mind. You feel his presence (even if he is not around). You may have fantasies about this person. When he is around, you feel like he is important and you have to things right because you don’t want to disappoint him (or feel disappointed at you). The same goes when you are with your friends, you still think that he is around watching you.
5. Change of Attitude: This is it! This is one of the most positive sign that someone likes you. Why? People nowadays are not stupid not to know subtle signs when someone likes them or not. Knowing these subtle signs will make the do things the other way around. Like for body language, you are aware body languages that will give you away (torso, position of the feet, stroking hair, touching parts of the face,…etc). So what you are going to do is to observe your body and control it. Eye contact (mostly involuntary) can be controlled by not looking the other person’s eyes. You respond yes, you look for few seconds and turn away. Normally, when your object of interest is sharing something to others or is talking to others, you immediately look at them. You control this by not looking (simply using your sense of hearing). In group chats, you may have respond in long sentences (another sign) before. Now your responses are short and just one word (lol). You are mostly quiet and focused in what you are doing, but unknowingly observing the person behind. You may appear rude sometimes, but what that person don’t know is it is just a strategy (for him not to know about your true feelings for him).
Now these are not subtle signs. These are very obvious signs, especially if the person is one of your friends. You will notice these changes when this person is beginning to have feelings for you. If YOU are the “OBJECT OF DESIRE”, you will know this. You might not notice it at first. You might feel that the change of behavior has something to do with that person attitude. Or you might think he or she is just stressed out. You might even think that you did something wrong. In truth, these people are just trying to hide their feelings. They are trying to control it and they are trying to hold it in. As an object of desire, if you think the feeling is mutual, you can make the move. If you don’t feel the same way, just let the person be. It hurts, I know, I have been there, but doing something about it can make it worse. Be careful though, these signs are based on my experiences. Others may have different experiences. What is more important now is for us to understand that not all subtle signs written in most articles can be seen or observed. If you really do want to know, or maybe, already having that so-called weird feeling of awkwardness and uneasiness, you can talk to the person. The person might deny it (of course if he or she intends to keep it), but if they denied it, it is okay. You don’t really have to worry about what this person is thinking after asking them about it. At least, in the end, you tried to know. Denials can be good signs as well. But, again, be very careful in misunderstanding these signs…before asking, make sure that you feel something first. 🙂