December 4 2014

First Note

He and I can be deep or shallow in our conversations. He’s great, he’s funny, He’s the Best, and he doesn’t even know it. I do love him and I fall for him more and more every day… He doesn’t scare me. he thinks of my hert before anything else. He’s waiting for me, he wants us to be together too. He wants to marry me! he loves who I am and I don’t have to chnge a thing…

He’s a lot like me, in the way that he has to “make a funny” to lighten the mood or conversation. Even if there needs to be a moment of seriousness we have to crack up somehow.

April 3, 2015

You see the thing is, I am still legally married to a person who could care less. “Roy” walked out on me and MY (our) three girls back in September and he has only shown up once about a month after he left. You see I have decided that I will no longer live a life of pain an agony. I will not stay a slave to depression and food. Nor to a person who claims to be a “Man” and gives up before even really starting. I fought for five years to do everything I knew and understood to do to be the wife God destined me to be, but I thought that I failed.

Everything I thought that I was doing wrong turned out not to be me, but in all seriousness HIM. Even though there was a time I was so shut down ( if it weren’t for my children I would have been lost for good) my home not 100% not even 50% mackerel! Not even 20% up to standards (my standards). by the grace of God I was able to snap out of my slump, I was able to drop 40 pounds and I get to start a new chapter.

Yes, I love a man and yes I am still married, is it wrong, I don’t believe it is- as long as its not acted on in the wrong timing. “He” and I both know the cost of what could happen if we pursued a relationship right now. So we do what we can to avoid “Situations”, temptations and right NOW I am focused on my children, getting transportation, because I was left without any and I am planning on going to school and getting a job all As Soon As Possible!

We ALL have sinned, We ALL have fallen short of the Glory of God, BUT He is also there to Help us when we cry out to him and TURN from our sinful ways.

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