So this is my first time blogging, like ever. Most won’t see this. Most don’t care. But after many accounts of trial and error, I wanted to say how I feel, and look at it later. I guess. “First time for everything” right? Here it goes. I’ve always been really smart. Academically that is. I remember even when I was little being that nerd that read everything, did educational games on the computer, or brain quests, and the St. Jude’s Mathathon was my favorite. I liked learning, and knowing more than my peers.
Now, at 21 I am still one of the smarter of my fiends. I don’t know if that is because I hang out with losers, or if I am really actually smart. Probably a mixture of both.
In school I was able to get by on what I already know, as well as hearing things in the classroom and memorizing it. School came easy and naturally to me. I never felt challenged. Before I started school, and I didn’t know things, I was eager to learn. But I seem to have lost that motivation somewhere down the line.
I usually blame my laziness on not being challenged. Who knows maybe it is, maybe its just laziness. I mean no one “challenged” me to write this. Anyway, the reason I started this is because I should be graduating from nursing school in a month. However, my freshman year in college when I was taking pre nursing classes, I got lazy and didn’t do anything. I thought, like high school, I could get by on smarts and passing tests. That really worked when I didn’t go to class to find out when tests were. Oops.
So when the first attempt at school didn’t work, I started over at another college. This time a community college. I thought smaller school, harder to skip/fail. That didn’t happen either. I took a lot of the same classes and again, got bored. So naturally, I didn’t do anything there either. And I failed. Again. When I moved back home, I was ready. I was ready to get my crap together and finally succeed.
I now go to a technical school for nursing. I jumped right into nursing classes. And for the first time I wasnt bored in school. I was learning, and felt that eagerness to learn, that I haven’t had in years. Then we got to online classes. Psychology 101. A class that I had taken three times before. And I failed. Lost motivation again. I scored 100s on my tests, but never did any of the homework. So at a school that was basically designed for me, a school where I learned something new EVERYDAY, I still fail at.
I’ve been really hard on myself this time around. Because I knew I had to go back to continue my dream. I let so many people down. I am now three months behind the students I started with, and they are still asking me for help. I haven’t told my parents yet, because I just disappointed them. Again.
Like I said before, There is a first time for everything. I just wish I could go back and replay those firsts. First time I lost motivation. First time I hid something from my parents. First time I failed a class. First time I went to Nursing school. And even those second and third and millionth times. Or I wish I could jump to the first time there was a time machine so I can do it all again. But this is my last. Last time I screw up in school. So I live the first time I say “I’m a Nurse”