just in case

just in case you ever decide to look. I’m back in uk now on my way home i did so much thinking about you cassie and were we went wrong I actually believe for once I’ve got bipolar or something wrong with my head swear nothing seems clear I’ve always thought people were out to hurt me i thought that you were trying to hurt me by having the abortion, watching that porn after, lying to me, hiding things, talking to deo but i actually believe you now that never meant any wrong you were just protecting yourself and needed somebody else in your life like friends n u knew i was a judgemental prick and reacted on impulse and i always thought your way of thinking was like me. words can never explain how sorry i am for how i treated you and what i did. i don’t blame you now for getting me arrested i was suppose to be your boyfriend and i was suppose to protect you i was suppose to be there for you I’ve let you n cassie down so much and swear i feel so guilty. i was going to give you that money back thursday n take cassie out but you never turned up or called me i never tried to get you pregnant then leave i just said those things to hurt u n i guess it worked i dunno what I’ve become i need help. I’m so ashamed of myself i should of gone prison but prison doesn’t help the situation it just makes you worse I’m not mad at you for calling the police i was to start with but when i thought about it i deserved it i broke your heart so bad and it hurts me to think how you felt the last 4 months like real bad I’ve never really sat and thought i should of never judged you for anything if i really loved you i nearly stayed to go prison cause i got talking to guys in the court cells and made palz the gards were letting them smoke weed in the cell and said nothing offered me some hash,weed,coke  the 3 times i went in the court cells i just knew if i went prison again the rest of my life would amount to fuck all

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