Need to Rememer Want to Forget

this is an old entry from January 2014. This was a time my heart broke so badly I thought it actually stopped beating.


You see “He” and I have become so close, even stating (only to each other) that face that we were in a committed relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) BUT WE ARE NOT

So here it is:

As weird as it sounds “He” and I have broken up, Its tearing me up badly, because I am in such a bind right now, I am still legally bound to one… I will be calling legal aid and working on that, But make it known I AM NOT GOING THROUGH THIS DIVORCE BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH “HIM”. I  am doing to BREAK a cycle, I am doing for the safety of my children and myself. I have a lot that I need to accomplish and I wont have ANYONE holding me back anymore.  But back to “Him” for a moment, I hope that when I am able to get on my feet we can see what happens next. My heart aches terribly, but I know that in time I will be stronger. I have to stick to my plan and focus on my girls. Thing one, Divorce,  job, transportation.

what had happened is “He” had told me I should ask the one I am ”married” to about counseling, (which I had tried to get him to do years ago, ad he went (with me) twice. And then schedules constantly were conflicting with work and the councilor’s availability.)   so I asked and he was like yeah, but started to talk about something else and never gave me a way to contact him or anything that remotely made it clear that it was something he was willing to do. In which time I told him that I had been “sleeping” with “Him” and hanging out with this guy. Then with in 24 hours I got this attachment email from my “ex” and it was a picture of him and another girl. And NO it doesn’t bother me. I have moved on, I actually did that a looooooonnnnnngggg time ago. Maybe it was when he hit/hurt me that last time (I was about 3 months post pregnancy).

My parents are against all of my plans right now from the divorce to my FRIENDSHIP with “Him”. They don’t know the whole history of the last five years. And they have yet to ask about what all went on. They saw my messy “home” and how I had packed on the pounds, but never asked why I was the way I was…

Its all good though. I have my children and God is and has been with me every step of the way.

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