What is it?

Why do you have to keep her around? She should be dead to you. You’re not dead to her, obviously, which is why it scares me that you still hold onto the pictures and the letters and everything. Am I not good enough? You never treasure anything I ever do with you. Or at least you don’t show it. I just want us to have a relationship where I can feel secure and like I’m wanted. Like I’ll actually be able to stay. Be able to lean on you when I need help, or be able to use your shoulder when I can’t help but cry on you. I just want you. Is that so much to ask? I want you to not be obsessed with keeping old shit that shouldn’t mean anything to you anymore. Because you know what it tells me when you keep that shit? It tells me you still care. You still want that. You still want to be with her. And you do. You do still want that. You even had the nerve to tell me that you missed her. You missed the old her that you used to know. The “innocent” her. Yeah, well let me break something to you. There NEVER was an innocent her. She’s always been a fucking whore. And when she gets older, she’ll be nothing but a fucking formal hooker, and a home wrecker. Nothing fucking good. She’s not worth that much in life. So why. Why do you hold onto her? What is so god damned special to you? What is it? Tell me. Please. I need to know what makes you want another person back so badly so that I can become that. Because honestly, I can’t be without you anymore. I don’t know how. Nothing is going to make sense when you’re gone. I’ve never had a real taste of you being gone, but I think I’m starting to. I’m distancing from you because you don’t understand how I feel about any of this. You tell me to get closer to you and to tell you what bothers me.. Well, I don’t see a fucking POINT when you won’t do shit about anything to fix it. It’s simply another “Oh well!” that I get to deal with. Thanks. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. I hate you so much, and yet I still can’t help but love you and cling to you. I just want her dead. I want to kill her. I want to see her stupid fucking bitchy ass face covered in blood and tears. I want her to pay for what she did to me. To us.

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