When answering that simple question is troublesome, I know things aren’t going very well.
I always try to do my best for my friends and flame, but sometimes it’s just depressingly not good enough. Of course with friends I just dust it off but with her, I kinda just wonder. I learn new things about her each day still, but sometimes when it comes to things she likes, I wonder. Like singing over instruments. “So.. even if I was to put together an instrumental, learning saxophone from scratch to do so, or getting friends together, of the song you wanted me to sing, you wouldn’t care?” Or “Is my voice an amazing singing voice..?” Usually if you like someone’s singing voice, you ask them to sing songs, but she turns me down when I want to sing to her, or listen to songs with her.
Other times I wonder how I stack up to everyone else, She talks about her friends having amazing impressions, occasionally tears up over her past, over a guy she broke and wish she didn’t, And it makes me wonder, “Is everyone better than me..?” I’m told I help her in more ways than I realize, and that it’s just my end getting it wrong, but I feel like a secret. Sometimes even feeling forgotten. Then again, each week passed, even though quick, feels years since the last.
I’ve got to be stronger. I don’t know why but I’m weaker when things are hidden from me, when there’s things that happen because of me that I don’t know, my heart is easier susceptible to depression. Even though there isn’t any real way to know how deep the emotions in a person run, I know somehow in my feeling.
So now I stare off into the sky, leaning against a tree, wondering. “What now..?”