How do you see me?

I am sure you have heard the expression first impression is everything.  This statement could not be truer, but we also need to be mindful of long term impressions.  Many are mindful of first impressions, it is very easy to put forth a few minutes even a few months of perfection. Having conducted several interviews I have learned we can never judge someone by first impression.  If you walk into an interview with all the correct answers displaying confidence in your posture and handshake you may assume you have the position correct?  WRONG.  The employer will observe micro-expressions.  A micro-expression is a movement or shift in facial expression.  A person that is attempting to remember something often shifts the eyes slightly up and to the dominant side of their brain. ( For a right handed person we would be looking for the eye to shift slightly up and to the left.) An extended blink or closing the eyes longer than a blink during  a conversation can indicate the other party may not agree with what you are saying, but they do not want to speak up.  A good indication of a lie is someone placing their hand close to their mouth during a conversation, almost as if they are covering the lie.  We give the same tale tale signs in our every day life.

The submissive that is too eager to jump into your collar is screaming “I need help” yet I see every day that instead of being the Superior Being a Dominant will take advantage of this situation.  That in turn teaches that submissive it is alright to move from relationship to relationship without respect, after all why should she show respect, you didn’t show her respect when she needed it the most.

The Dominant that tells his submissive “This is the way I have always done it and you will do it my way or you can leave” is telling her that he is not willing to take her emotional or even physical well being into consideration.  A Dominant can learn from his submissive as much as she desires to learn from him, use this to your advantage Superior Type Beings. Respect is the most valuable of all credits given in any relationship.

ALL of that being said….

If you are beginning a new relationship and you remain in past relationships, how do you expect the new relationship to grow and develop?  I have heard many people say “I want to be with you, but Fred never made me cook.”   Wake up ladies, not every man will be Fred.  I have in the same regard heard Superior Beings say “My last submissive”  wake up Superman, this is not your last submissive!  This is often the beginning of the end of any new relationship.  We tend to hold people accountable for our past, in order to develop a future we have to find a way to stop putting out there that if the next person does not live up to the standards of your ex be it good or bad you just cannot be with them.  I have seen all too many relationships fail because one of the parties involved are constantly seeking validation of their past fear.  By no means should a situation be used against someone in a relationship and in the same respect you cannot hold the current person responsible for the actions of someone before them.  I have heard many people say “He abused me”, as hard as it is to define a very blurred line forming somewhere between consensual and abuse in this type setting you cannot hold your new Hero responsible for the Devil’s actions.  This applies to MANY situations that do not include abuse.  You cannot assume because your former collar included you wearing only red lipstick on the second Tuesday of the third month at two o’clock this collar will require the same.  You cannot assume anything, you need to communicate.  If YOU choose not to communicate, then do not expect your relationship to grow.  If YOU choose to let that relationship die because Fred use to bring you a rose on the second Sunday of each month and Jack doesn’t then shame on  you, obviously you have already forgotten why Fred is no longer a part of your life.  It is not easy letting go of your past, but in order to find a future you have to do just that.  Look at life as a set of monkey bars, in order to move forward to the next ring on you have to let go with one hand at a time to the ring behind you! You then place each hand in front of you in the same motion you would when reaching out to someone standing before you asking not to be judged by your past.

SHOW INTEREST, if we are holding our cell phones or we are searching several sites to find something to entertain us while there is a real live person sitting next to you attempting conversation, please feel free to seek counseling for addiction services.  You are allowing an electronic world become the only world you live in, yet you are disappointed when the person next to you stops talking.  I have said this to people in my life ” I will pursue you to the end of the Earth, but if you are not willing to give me a reason  I will become bored and find another race.”  We often become so set in our ways we do not even realize we are closing out people by the sheer fact we never look up to see them.  LOOK UP people, take time to learn if your mate is sitting next to you with a look on his or her face that silently screams “Talk to me, I need you”  some of the most intimate moments of my life have happened without words!  A look can tell say “I love you”..”I need you”  and yes “Please love me” but if we stay positioned with our face down in that cell phone or our back turned to get a better angle on our computer screen we miss all those lovely moments.

LISTEN, do not just hear what the person talking to you is saying.  We will not retain the words “I love you” unless we listen to those words.  How many times have you had to ask someone sitting next to you to repeat what they just said because you were otherwise distracted?  How many times did you miss the words completely when the person beside waited patiently for several minutes before walking way with their head hanging low and the feeling of rejection because you could not be bothered long enough to look up and smile when he or she whispered “You are beautiful”?  We give the impression that our phone, our computer, the latest romance novel is more important to than the person wanting to love us and be a part of our life.  Honestly people, do you want to harvest your imaginary pumpkins on your third farm or do you want to have dinner so your partner can give you the real diamond that has been in his pocket waiting for you to become aware of it?

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!

If you tell someone you are going to do something, yet you go back to the same thing you have been doing minutes after the promise to change you are telling that person you don’t care enough to even attempt to take them into consideration.  If you are ask to spend 10 minutes a day talking without interruptions, yet the clock strikes midnight and you have not managed to sit down for those 10 minutes you have just told that person that you don’t want to spend time with them.  If you are ask to do the dishes yet three days later there is not a clean dish in the house you are telling that person you don’t care if they eat.  Actions speak louder than words!! Keep in mind that if you are telling someone that you want to be with them, you need to show them in your actions that you are just as interested.

REDUNDANCY do not expect someone to repeat the same thing 20 times and not give.  I have developed a standard in my personal life that seems to work well for me.  I will offer a gift to someone the first time, if they ignore that offer without as much as acknowledging it I will never offer again.  This may not work for everyone, but for me personally if I am offering you something I am offering it because I want you to have it.  IF you reject it, why should I offer it again?  Why should anyone have to beg you to take a gift, the whole point of a gift is for something to be offered and that offering to be received.  If I make you an offer you a suggestion or a new pair of shoes even though the ones on your feet are torn and need replaced because maybe the pair of shoes I bought you are white and you only wanted black shoes so you refuse it with “no” and that is the end of the discussion of that offer, I will at a later date offer it in a different form, I may tell you “I have a pair of white shoes, I know these shoes are not black but they will protect your feet and keep them dry.” and you still refuse, don’t expect the third offer, it won’t come.  We all have to be mindful that we sometimes pass up great opportunity because we refuse to wear white shoes in fear of change. We all have to be mindful we often pass up the winning lottery ticket because of pride, we are afraid that if we take that lottery ticket we are less of a person.  What we DO convey at that moment is “It is okay for you to give me what I want when I want but you are not allowed to expect me to say thank you”.  We often limit ourselves by the sheer fact that we refuse to grow and change, we want to write the rule book for “our submission” again you are going to need that dictionary, submission by definition: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.  If we refuse to yield we refuse to submit so don’t run crying to others when that collar is taken away, instead take a good hard look inward and find out why you refused to yield.

RULES are there for a reason!  Think of rush hour traffic, it’s chaos right?  Now imagine that same traffic without traffic lights, everyone coming to the same intersection at the same time with no control over who goes first.  Enough said!

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  If you are attempting the same actions repeatedly, don’t expect the end result to change my fellow submissive beings!

Ivory c/o Sir Fireball

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