I have been part in many discussions debating who is responsible for what actions in a D/s relationship. Some will debate the submissive is responsible for telling the Dominant what she is willing and not willing to do. Some debate the Dominate should make the rules and the submissive should always obey.
I personally feel it is the Dominants responsibility to make the rules and the submissive should obey the rules. These rules are subject to change at the Dominant’s discretion, it is perfectly understandable to want clarification if a rule that has been in place over an extended period of time changes. It is equally understandable that if a new rule is put in place there may be questions involved, keep in mind you need to approach this as soon as possible after the rule is put into place. It is not acceptable to have a rule put into place and you do not object until weeks later when you find you do not like this new rule because it interferes with your personal plans. A polite “May I ask why Sir” will work wonders in most cases. You are allowed to question as long as you keep in mind you are the submissive in the relationship and the Superior Being has the right to change his or her mind the same as you.
All of that being said let’s discuss a poly relationship. I have been in many rather heated discussions about who is responsible in a poly relationship. Like any other situation that demands organization there has to be a chain of command. The Superior being is ALWAYS in control of the submissive beings, however a large portion of the “leadership” falls to the alpha submissive or in cases where there may be an entire house of submissive beings the Superior Being may have more than one in charge. This is not to take away from the beta submissive. Keep in mind you can learn a lot by simply observing your alpha and her interactions with both the Superior Being as well as her actions in general. She may not always react to a situation the way you feel she should, chances are she has dealt with this situation before, or she is waiting to get her Superior Being in private to react knowing that is what is expected. The alpha submissive always carries the new additions to the relationship. It is not that unusual for the alpha to be responsible completely for the the training when adding a new person to the relationship during the adjustment period. She often has the added chore of grooming and preparing her sister submissive for their Master. Always remember, most of the time the alpha submissive has been in the relationship for an extended period of time and knows her place, she is experienced with the rules and can be a great source of information. Should at any point you feel you are being steered in the wrong direction by your alpha politely mention this to your Superior Being without coming across as a tattle tale or sounding you doubt his or her authority. Nothing will bring a new relationship to a standstill quicker than a submissive feeling like she is being overthrown by the newbie. Nothing expresses insecurity in yourself quicker than making it a competition to see who can be the most pleasing to the Superior Being or trying to make others in your relationship look bad. If you chose a poly relationship you have to understand it still a relationship and should be treated as such. We have all heard the term “pecking order” in regard to a poly relationship, it’s true; there is a chain of command like any other hierarchy situation and the alpha sub unless otherwise instructed by the Superior Being carries the bulk of this responsibility. The alpha sub may not be in charge of the sexual training aspects, that will depend greatly on the situation and always on the Superior Being’s preference. He or She may have something in mind for the new submissive that is different from the alpha. Keep in mind this does not make either submissive less important, it keeps each submissive an individual.
All of that being said, it is “MY” job. It is my job to learn what my Superior Being wants, expects, desires. It is my job to learn what I should convey to others in the mindset that I reflect directly on my Superior Being. It is my job to be responsible for me!
Ivory c/o Sir Fireball