Welcome to my first entry. Warning my life is kind of boring so if you don’t care then leave. I didn’t make this public so people could hate.
Now since that is out of the way I can begin. I figured id tell you guys a little bit about me. Well I’ m 16 years old, I have a boyfriend his name is Tommy. He is a sweetheart we’ve only been dating for a little over a month, however I have known him for 2-3 years now. He is 18 years old. I’ve lived a pretty happy life for the most part, but i have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was 13. I never told my mom about it until this past year when I started missing school constantly because I would be sad for no reason.
Most people would say I just have teenage hormones but I know it’s not and my mother doesn’t see a lot of what I go through. It is not her fault I tend to hide stuff from her, not because I’m afraid of her judging me, but because I don’t want her to worry about me. I’ve seen some of the things she’s been through and I don’t want to be one of her struggles. So I keep to myself.
However, I am not writing this entry to tell you about me mainly but actually to talk. I’m trying to find the words to put together but they don’t come out. I’ve know my boyfriend for a long time we’ve gotten to know each other really well. I’ve actually had a crush on him since the day I met him. Finally being able to call him mine is great. He know’s how to make me smile and laugh. But I’m scared everything good that has ever happened to me in life has just gotten ruined. I don’t want to loose him.
I was at group therapy today and I was talking about him because of course we are talking a about healthy and unhealthy relationships. Now I would consider our relationship to be a healthy one. So of course I was talking about him. All of sudden i get a text from Tommy;
“Hey look, im sorry we havent talked much the last couple days, a lot has happened and i just want space for a bit. It’s nothing against you or anything i promise”
Now usually when you get that he’s breaking up with you but i was confused as to if he actually was or not so I asked him. And thankfully he said he’s not.
I’m going to give him his space of course but I don’t know. I told everyone in therapy that if it were to end then I’d be fine. I keep telling everyone that, however, it’s hard to convince people of something that you really don’t believe.
I feel as if I am falling for him. I don’t want to because I feel like I’ll get hurt. He wants me to open up more to him and I can’t because every time I try I can’t. I wish he could tell just by the way I look at him, but he just seems oblivious to it sometimes. Maybe I need space too but I’m afraid. I don’t know of what but I feel scared. I just wish complications of life would disappear.