Memoirs of a girl looking for love in all the wrong places Pt. 1

*Note I will not be using real name for privacy purposes.

I met AJ on campus my freshmen year and boy oh boy was I lust struck. AJ was cute, outgoing, and funny. I slowly worked at catching his eye and by freshmen summer I had. My freshmen summer I lost my virginity to AJ. I felt we would always be together and we would have a wonderful life. I had found my true love.

Now let me give you background and say that before I met AJ I wore a purity ring stating “True Love Waits.” This ring was valuable to me, however I didn’t want to lose AJ and I feared I might if I didn’t show him how special he was to me. AJ even said to me, “I drove all the way down here to see you this summer and you don’t want to have sex with me?” So of course, out of fear, I caved.

AJ and I continue dating and at the start of sophomore year I was excited to be his girlfriend. However, a few months later things started to spiral. In October AJ physically abused me for the first time. I didn’t think much of it and figured it wouldn’t happen again. It did. By December things weren’t going well at all and the physical abuse had picked up. I was with AJ so much of the time that I started to lose my friends. My roommate many nights saw me come home crying yet she couldn’t understand why I continued to want to be with him. One night after a particularly bad fight with AJ I am home and tried to drown myself in the bathtub. At this point in time I realized things were getting out of control. I saw a counselor for several sessions but we didn’t connect on a good level and I felt the sessions were not helpful. There are several memories that replay in my mind that involve AJ that I would like to express now.

1. AJ you’re welcome for lying to the police and telling them that you had not hit me even though you had. I also didn’t tell them about how you threatened me if I told them anything right before they knocked on the door. Also you’re welcome AJ for shaving your nasty back hair. I did that out of love, clearly you were not appreciate as you should have been.

2. AJ I can’t believe when we were arguing at a party and I had a few drinks you had the gull to push me and I hit my head on a table and was unconscious for 30 seconds and yet you didn’t even check to see if I was ok.

3. AJ thank you for the time I bought you a nice airsoft gun that took most of my money and I presented it to you after a fight because I was sorry. Thank you for being frustrated with my act of kindness and taking that gun and smashing it into the wall almost breaking it.

4. AJ what about the time you choked me around the neck, what about the time you threw my brand new nikes out into the middle of the road in the snow, what about the time you pushed me off the top bunk bed and didn’t care when I hit the ground hard, what about the time you told me I was terrible at sex even though you were my first…….how about that time AJ you made out with my roommate Stephanie even though you and I were dating. AJ what about that time I was intoxicated and you and your friend Mike were in the bathroom and he said to you let’s both run a train on her. You didn’t slap him in the face for that…..I can’t believe you.

5. AJ I will never forget you saying “If there was a God he wouldn’t have created someone like you.” That hurt AJ especially coming from you.

AJ and I finally ended things or sophomore summer and I am blessed this happened. There are many other events that took place that my mind can’t recall but I am sure it is for the best.


Several years later AJ promised he had made changes and offered to pay my way to Australia to come visit him at graduate school. I of course spent money to get a passport and was going to go but then he told me he had spent the money out at the bars and he was sorry. That extremely frustrated me.

AJ returned about a year later and asked to go out on a date. My stupid self said yes. The funny thing was AJ had made some change but my mind had not forgotten how he had treated me. I told AJ we had no future together and that what he had done in the past was unacceptable. At this time I have no idea where AJ is or what happened to him. I wish him happiness because I forgive him for what he did but I will never forget what he did.

–This ends part 1 of my memoir. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow about Jason.

One thought on “Memoirs of a girl looking for love in all the wrong places Pt. 1”

  1. I am so happy that you got out of that realatonship. No girl or man should have to go throught that. I give you props for forgiving him I on the other hand might have taken a while. I hope you know that you inpsire girls going through what you did that its ok to leave and you will make it. Can’t wait to read about jason.

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