I am living with this constant guilt that settles in the pit of my stomach like a pile of coal so heavy, any movement at all is a struggle.

I am living with this guilt of being a failure
and being a burden to my family
because they have spent so much money to
keep me alive and well
but I am nothing but a disappointment,
this guilt of being sad at all
because I live so comfortably but there are people
out in the cold who have it so much worse than me,
this guilt of being ungrateful for the family I
wish I didn’t have
when some people don’t have one at all,
when some people don’t have one at all,
this guilt of not wanting to eat
when there are starving people who deserve
so much more than what they are getting,
this guilt of needing anything from heat to
money to clothes
because everyone knows I don’t deserve it,
this guilt of wanting to die
because there are so many fighting for their lives
when I don’t even want mine,
this guilt of living in general because I don’t
deserve to
and I’m just here taking valuable oxygen
when I could be nothing in the ground
and at least then my flash would be recycled
into the environment and
I’d finally be worth something.

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