Sought & found

I’m feeling gratitude.

I hoped to be able to exercise the law of humility today and try as I might it never came easy. I let go of desire and found what I asked for in the most unexpected place, as obvious as it seems in retrospect. Thank you, A for bringing me to a safe place. Thank you, R for loving me. Thank you, L for listening and accepting and encouraging. I’ve fallen in love and it feels so special and sane. I’m grateful. Thank you.

I am surprised at my peace and serenity. I am excited for the page I am turning. It seems I may have learned detachment and unconditional love for myself and others. I hope so – it has been work and I have been at it, and I so hope I found some strong footing.

An excerpt :

It was love. The kind of love that gives, but doesn’t expect anything in return. The kind of love that isn’t bitter when it has been disappointed. The kind of that is unwavering, unconditional and always forgiving.

This concept used to escape me and I read the above this evening and it was like a cool breeze. I understood it and I felt it. Release. Acceptance. Forward motion. Killing what needs to be killed so new harvest can grow. Thank you, wolf. I am starting to rove again. I am biting back and I am fiercely protective over my space and myself.

I found a stable space within myself. It was buried deep under pain, heartbreak, and disappointment. It wasn’t worth losing over those experiences, for sure. I gave it away as if it were cheap and replaceable. The searching it required me to go through helped me find a number of people and new perspectives for which I had been longing – there was a void and it is being filled with the right things. It feels powerful and legitimate. Spring rain. Thank you.

This life has been a good one and sometimes I think I know what I am here to learn. My confidence is growing and my eye is becoming more discerning. These traits have always been there, sometimes muted and sometimes bold – I think I didn’t know what to do with them and there was fear involved. I used to be afraid of being alone – but I think that fear is melting away. Wildly curious and devoutly attentive. The things I wanted for myself are developing at the most unexpected time. The blocks are dropping. Thank you.

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