I’m still not ready to speak to my family

Today my mother asked me if I wanted to invite my father’s side of the family to my graduation. I don’t graduate until 2016, so I have quite a while to plan what we are going to do. So I told her that I wanted to invite them, and I was a little disturbed when she brought this up so I was trying my best to suppress my emotions. The last time my mom brought up my other family was when she was curious about what I think about them, and I told her that I don’t want to talk about that.

Its been about 6 full years since I have seen and spoken to my father’s side of the family. The main reason why I haven’t spoken to them was because a lot of my dad’s side of the family was disrespecting my mother’s family. They were not treating us fair and I didn’t know about what they did until my mom told me about it when we were on our way home. They never said sorry, or even try to contact us. Our address was the same and so was the phone number. Ever since my father passed away, they have treated my mom and I differently. If my father was here they wouldn’t do this because everyone like my father, he was well respected and some often envied what he had.

By the time I got to the 9th grade, I created a Facebook account. Eventually my half sisters, my aunts, uncles, and cousins from my father’s side found me on Facebook and it was one of my aunts that found me and told everyone she knew that she found me. I remember this day, and I was happy, but still a little confused on how I should feel. I also never told my mom that I was contacting them or that I even had a Facebook.

It remained a secret for awhile, maybe for about a year or two. Then I stopped going on Facebook, and tell this day I have one, and I check it once in awhile. Some of them still try to message me, but I ignore it because I just don’t want to deal with it at the moment.

I don’t want to talk to them until May 2016, and don’t even think by then I’ll be able to speak to them. It’s probably going to be awkward, and it’s going to be a very emotional moment, even thinking about it gets me a little emotional and I’m trying to not think about it too much. There could be a chance that they can’t come to my graduation since they live far way from me. I’m just not looking forward to seeing just yet.

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