I haven’t heard from my ex since before the divorce was finalized. I still think about him. Lots of little things remind me of him. I still sometimes wish I could talk to him, to apologize for something I now see I’ve done wrong, to share a joke about something that would make him laugh, to let him know I’m okay and for him to be proud of me. Its weird, I know, but when you truly love someone, letting go… I don’t know if it will come with time. I don’t know if I want it to.
He said he didn’t want to talk to me until the divorce was final and he felt ready for it. I am starting to realize that may never happen and I have to be okay with that. Just like I can’t make anyone happy, I can’t make anyone comfortable. I can’t make him be happy for me or love who I am now without him.
Again, I still love him. I want all the best for him and nothing less, and that’s not up to me.
I am happy. I am loved. I am appreciated and cared for, and often I am overwhelmed by those facts. I never knew what it was to be loves until I learned who I really am and allowed people to experience me, just me, no filters. Now that I am living as me, and people see me, and know me, and love me just as I am… Its amazing. I am thrilled and blessed and excited to see where I can go now.
I intended this post to be about how I’m learning about Empaths and my belief that I am one, but I think this post is more important right now. To share my love, my self love, the love of others in the face of what could be terrible circumstances. So. Much. Love.
And I love you, reading this. Whoever you are, however you are, I love you. Your true self: I love you. I hope you do too.