To be a submissive means different things to different people in each relationship. However, it isn’t as rare or taboo as most people seem to think it is. Dominant and submissive behavior is recognized in all aspect of the animal kingdom, and I would argue exists (mostly unrecognized) in all relationships between two people to some extent.
The differential gap between what ‘just happens’ as the natural dynamics between two people in a non BDSM relationship and what exists in a BDSM relationship varies and can even overlap. What is different between the two is the defined terms, the structure, and the accepted protocol that has been established. That established structure provides a framework and design for communication between two people in a BDSM relationship, the Dom & the sub. Having this structure gives them both security and empowerment through effective communication which, ultimately, brings them closer together.
The submissive in this type of relationship often is thought of as a person of weak character; and a Dominant is often viewed as an abuser. It is because of this lack of understanding D/s relationships are taboo. In reality, the person in the submissive role has the ultimate power in the relationship in that the final word is said, or not said, by them. The Dom, in providing whatever is needed to keep the relationship exciting, challenging, and acceptable with-in those guidelines is the provider and does the heavy lifting in the relationship, in this way he/she is serving the sub.
Truth be told, a submissive is a very strong person who desires to find an even stronger person to be with. A submissive offers the gift of his/her submission as a form of appreciation for that service. Both roles can be as hard core or soft core as each desires and both roles demand trust between each other in order to be successful and rewarding.
Personally, I would call myself a service oriented submissmissive. Meaning, I enjoy serving another and appreciate approval of my ‘service’ — be it verbal, or physical. Or, both. Meaning, I get satisfaction from the approval of another that I serve.
Being a submissive, to me, means a super huge deal. In my opinion, you don’t just fall into such a place and accept it; it isn’t a ‘slavery’ type thing.
As a submissive I feel what I gain from the party is more than what I bring to the party. Thus, I want to bring everything I can potentially bring.
What I desire as a sub from a Dom would be the same blank slate wish list as I would seek if I won the lottery. Sort of somewhere in between everything & anything to I don’t know, whatever. However, I can easily start a ‘wish list’ with the following:
The Dom I seek would be:
1. Very self assured. (not a douche bag, just self confidant) A confidant man.
2. Sexually capable
3. A decent human being.
What I desire from “that” Dom is… my satisfaction can be complete with a bedroom only Dom. I have no desire to be bossed around 24/7, unless we are sexual 24/7 then .. ok.
What I want from a Dom is someone who cares enough about me to feel protective of me. Someone who wants my sexual satisfaction as much as I do. Someone open to new sexual experiences.