The reason for the prior post was to set the stage for this subject, so thank you for bearing with me on that. Have a cookie. <wink>
To take the subject of being a submissive a step further I wanted to discuss sub space. No, not the dictionary definition of mathematical subspace. (Sorry math geeks.) For those who don’t understand the attraction to being submissive or what the ‘whole deal is’ with BDsM the key ingredient you are missing from your formula is sub space. Never forget the sub space. The whole cake is ruined if you do!
WTF is sub space?
First, what it is is a mental place one can get to only through submissive sexual means. Second, how you get there is only with a good Dom, and an entirely different topic for a different day.
Sub space is a psychological high produced from submissive sexual activity. It is a very real high, and can produce hallucinations and a near hypnotic state of bliss that can last several hours. Yes, really. I’m totally serious.
My best attempt to explain it would be … if you think about the mental state of excitement mixed with the fear of the unknown of normal arousal with a new partner and how much weight that carries into the pleasure of sex with a new partner.. it’s like that but better. Way better. Way-way better!
The weird part is, and I have no idea why, it is contingent on being submissive. Somehow the mental state of submitting is a trigger for the endorphins that cause sub space.
I can only offer my first experience in sub space as an example to explain it all. Alas, when I was young I was not into BDsM in anyway and yet it happened to me. It took me 20 years before I understood what happened that night, or how and why. Here is what happened that night:
As a young women who was newly sexually active I was always safe and in control of myself. I had confidence by the truck load; I was strong and independent and unabashedly curious. And, as it would happen, I was sought after by an older male who lead me to believe he had a lot of sexual experience; which was something I did not have. So one night I went to him, just for sex. What is important to know here is he was only my 3rd sexual partner, he was 6 years older than me (which was a million back then), and I had never had an orgasm before. I had it in my mind to be with him, to let him have his way with me (for my pleasure) and I was open to whatever he was going to do because I was so sexually inexperienced I wanted to learn new things from him. If you put that together you come up with the same mind set of a submissive… The blank slate openness to letting someone serve my needs that I might not even be aware of while still feeling in control enough to stop the situation. These are key.
And so what began as any other sexual encounter between any two people was now this: A young woman who had never cum before on her knees being fucked slowly from behind while he massaged my clit with his fingers for what seemed like a relentlessly long time. This went on so long in fact my brain bounced between thoughts of ‘oh this is awesome’ & “God, when will this stop?’ many many many many times…. but I wouldn’t stop him, because he knew more than I did sexually so I didn’t want my inexperience to be exposed. So I turned out any discomfort and focused on pleasing him and only on what he was doing that gave me pleasure… I did this for so long. Such a long.. long.. time… so.. long.
When finally I simply couldn’t take the clit stimulation any longer, not because I was shaking and going to cum but because it was tedious and painful (even though there was a pleasurable element to it.) I held out, I assure you I did, as long as I could handle… before I yelled, “STOP!!” And, I gasped for air as I fell limp because he stopped, like I trusted him to do. As I fell limp I had turned enough to look him in the eye and we held a deep stare.
While I looked up at him and he down at me he said in a soft tone, you were almost there. I knew what he meant, but I was physically & mentally too numb to absorb it. I just stared back into his eyes with nothing at all in my thoughts but I was noticing things in the room I had not seen before.. the colors were more psychedelic, everything in the room seemed to be in an ebb and flow with me and my breathing, there was a softness that was visible. And, I was so relaxed… I was in a trance like state – not tired, relaxed. I’d swear I could see things that were not there before.
That was when he looked me in the eyes and asked, “What’s going on with you?”
OMG. He knew. He could tell.
He said again, “you were so close.”
I simply answered him, “I’m fine.”
I got dressed and left as if it was just any other sexual encounter but I was faking it. I was high as a kite. I took the bus home and pretended not to see things an not to ‘be high’ the whole way home.
That is sub space. That is just the beginning of sub space.
*~ Coy Psyche ~*