it’s aliiiiiive

it in this case being me doing my zombie impression. oh wait… ‘BUSZZZZZZZZZZZ!’ now i’m doing a ZomBEE impression!

i’m already having a bad day. went to get up and my left leg had a seizure all by itself. it was just like a full shaker, but ONLY my left lower leg. (insert twilight zone theme) when it stopped i glared at it ‘ya done? i’d like to get up and go have a pee now.’ yup. arguing with my own limbs. yes. yes, i desperately need a more time consuming hobby. it won’t work though. i’d just add it to the rotation and shift back and forth between that and all the other things i do.

right. i could talk about that. i do a full as much of the day as possible meditative state WHILE i work. not really quite self-hypnosis, but more using patterns to put myself into a zen state. it helps. i don’t think it’s something that would work for most of you. why? because i’ve done martial arts for 30 years. have you? and by that i mean EVERY day. even if it’s just mentally running through a routine or something as simple as working my dagger twirls (yes really. i have a butterfly knife on the desk among others) or bo staff or cane/walking stick work (my sabers are LONG sold. haven’t had them in 15years. sold them when i found out i was pregnant) and it’s all patterns. i always follow the same pattern.i have a stack of journals and sketch books with current projects. i get the top one (which is always the current pain symptom journal. ) update that, then add a sketchbook (it’s also ALWAYS sketch book then a writing project staggered back and forth) and that will get moved up to the top of the bookcase and then i go do 12 items of cleaning, organization or 1 of the various projects that don’t fit nicely in a stack on the shelf like whatever sewing or mending i’m doing. that’s an end spin thing. that’s what i call them. Spins. and each spin, i add another notebook, sketchbook or journal, then i go through the top shelf stack and go do more stuff end spin ( the pattern is…. 6 items of cleaning, bitchbook, 12 items, check off something in bitchbook work on drawing for the space of a song if i’m listening to music, commercial if i’m watching a show. 18 cleaning items, sketchbook bitchbook sketch project 24 items, bitchbook that i’m posting on HERE, sketchbook, bitchbook with to-do list sketchbook 30 items, then i add another and it’s 36 items. THEN i hold the cleaning stuff at 36 because otherwise it gets unweildy, but i keep adding books and continuing the pattern) about 1ce a month i make a real effort to go through the entire stack of projects (which Zap LOVES! why? means she can lounge on the empty shelf right next to me and try to get me to give her treats. when she pesters me from the top shelf i can and will push her off, but she’s got a wall behind her on the notebook shelf and can wedge in. it’s also shady and cool and we even have a command phrase so she knows it’s clear and she’s allowed in it ‘shelf-yourself!’ and she’ll run over and jump up.) when i get ALL of em going it’s called ‘full-spin’ and means i may attempt to earn tarot readings by another form of active meditation. pay every version of solitaire i know till i beat them all (has to be and i mean HAS to be real cards. none of this virtual shit. the hand shuffling by a certain number and laying out the patterns is part of it. i go with multiples of 6 because it’s pyramidical 3.2.1. you can stack the sum of it. closest i get to mucking about with numerology.)

today isn’t going to be 1 of those days, but i may end up making it to full 36 end-spin and knock out a couple chapters in the final draft for Renegades Inc. -that’s the series with Nytstarre the blue leopard chick you’ve seen a couple drawings of that i just finished another 1st draft novel in that series), get at least 1 old pain journal up my to do list and maybe start going after trying to get the next 1 done (they just came home from a visit to his family to find their housemates threw a 2 week long party and trashed the house they bought. the falling out leads to them kicking them out which leads to them lying to people about what happened which led to everything tumbling down, so this will be the WORST part to fucking write and why i saved this section of the story till last when i’m pretty much in a foul mood 24-7-365 anyway and don’t have to reach for that mindset to write. i KNOW i’m not the only author who’s also an actress/actor. to some extent we all must be or the work would be pretty fucking flat, wouldn’t it? not all of us have tread the boards though. seriously though, this part’s a shit storm and when i do sit down to write it, probably in a week or so, i suggest my local friends steer clear of me for about a week.)

ugh. rambling and running out of steam. that means that the adrenalin rush from forcing myself upright past the pain has run its course and since m,y meds are about to kick in i need caffeine and food and i need em FAST or i may as well lay down and declare the day a wash now.

cheery bye. i’ll put some pain journal (the 1st bitchbook) up later.



(oh. there’s Nytstarre for ya.)

Leave a Comment: