I was in my old house, which wasn’t really my old house – it was larger, but it had the same drab, sad feeling my old house has when I find myself there again. For some reason I was compelled to go there, like there was something I needed to check on or see.
It was empty and I was glad because I knew I was being somewhat of a creep by showing up unannounced. It felt like a superficial inspection. I stayed in the main areas and hallways, taking care to not physically enter any rooms – just a peek. Everything seems quiet, undisturbed. Sad.
It was ok to leave out the front door and I had missed using that specific exit. I came to the exit and I saw T – he was sitting on the ground putting on his shoes and he seemed rushed, I knew he could feel my presence, but he chose to ignore me. I used the time to take him in. His hair was patchy and greyed. He looked eccentric to me. I waited and waited for him to turn around to acknowledge me. I realized he was aware of my presence in the house before I was of his – I waited and my annoyance grew. I said, “Hello” and he turned and looked at me and smiled. We exchanged pleasantries as if it was perfectly normal for either of us to be there. In reality, neither of us should have been there. I finally asked him what he was doing there and he gave me a bullshit response about research for his new job. I told him he should not have been there and somehow we started talking. Because he is smooth. But he looked so ragged.
The next event was strange. A house party started and everyone was really young. They seemed to come from no where and filled up the house. One of M’s friends was around and I asked him what was going on. A party…..M showed and I talked to him. He was pleasant and I asked him about T – he said this guy approached him and asked for help. He felt generous at the time.