I want to do it, end t all, here, now But I can’t It’s not so much that I have a lot to lose, but what will happen to my soul once my body is no more. Most people think I’m okay. Hell, even I think that sometimes. But it’s times like this that I realize I am just the opposite. I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m not a Christian. Yet a pretty big reason I haven’t offed myself yet is because I’m afraid that if there is a hell, I will burn there eternally. There’s also Harrison. I’ve never been more in love with someone than I am with him. He keeps me going most of the time, although he has no idea. My family is another reason I’m still breathing on this treacherous planet. They are my rock, my solid ground. Let’s not forget Em and Britni. The ones I tell all of my secrets to, the ones who answer my late night phone calls just to be sure that I’m okay (because with me, there’s never a way to tell.). Harrison is probably worried half to death as of right now. I sent him a few alarming texts and now I’m not responding to him. I probably shouldn’t do that right? Considering his history. But hey, what can I say? I am a no good, selfish, ungrateful, little shit. You could never change me. No one has been able to. Not even myself. If I could compare my mind to anything, you ask? A labyrinth. It’s a maze that i will never be able to escape, no matter how hard I try. No matter how many medications, how many doctors, how many drugs, how many cigarettes, how much alcohol. I will always be stuck here. There is no getting out.

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