and I want to know why breathing is harder for some more than others.
and I don’t mean the physical ability to breathe, I mean the will, the desire, to just breathe.
because I know that it’s hard sometimes. everything is “fine” on the outside: nice home in a safe neighborhood, steady stream of healthy meals, a handful of friends, family as good as any…
but something is broken, and it’s much deeper than anything tangible, or even explainable.
because some people, some more than others, have a hard time breathing.
and I’m not sure why this is.
because humans are built to breathe. we do it without thinking, we just do.
but humans are also made to wonder: why?
and after some times, they may ask themselves: why am I breathing? and then they will get more philosophical and have an existential moment and wonder
what’s the point? and I don’t think anyone knows.
some people have ideas. some people may think they know. (maybe we all just like to think we know things, when really we know nothing at all.)
and I don’t know how we should deal with answering these questions. I really don’t know. and I’m not sure I wish I knew.
maybe if we knew the point of living, we would all just stop. because I know ((I think)) that there’s no point at all.
we live and then we die.
isn’t that so simple and true?
but this doesn’t give any clarity to the question of why we should live.
and sometimes it’s hard to breathe when we can’t even know for sure why we should at all.
especially when it’s hard to breathe.
especially when oxygen feels more like a toxic substance that is killing you… and maybe it is.
maybe we are all just allergic to oxygen, and that’s why we all die. maybe it’s the air we inhale that eventually kills us all.
oh, they may think I’m crazy if they could see my thoughts.
or they may think I’m the most sane one of all.
the seemingly simple task of breathing