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22nd october 2007 734pm monday

(sigh)

it’s funny- not funny haha, would that it were, but now that i’ve gotten brave enough to look up RSD-well, okay, i’ve looked it up, but i have not looked into it very extensively-until earlier today (*note yes, i know my punctuation is terrible on this one. i’m not editing these, just typing them out and i was a tad upset at the time. you grammar nazis may feel free to correct me in the comments section, upon which time you WILL be summarily blocked because i don’t have time for that shit. the point of me doing this as is is to show the state i was in when i wrote them as i was dealing with learning what my fate was and what my new limits were as i watched everything i’d worked toward crashing down around me. you can tease me about spelling and grammar on my rant posts. yes, this time i mean it and i won’t block you for THAT. you CAN however TEASE me about it. i’ve got a sense of humour about it NOW. at the time it might have gotten you punched in the face though.) – but anyway… (*note see? i even realized at the time how fucking disjointed that last sentence was. it was the written equivalent of frightened/freaked out stammering and i knew it then as well as now. when i really write not just journal i’m a LOT more precise.and yes, i have figured out how to use capital letters at the beginning of a sentence LOLOLOL. i don’t use them when i handwrite unless it’s for emphasis like if i’m YELLING something or saying that particular word sharply in my head as i write. i’m also allergic to the handwritten word ‘and’ because i LIKE drawing ampersands and i rarely if EVER write out the word ‘at’ it’s almost ALWAYS —-> this doojobber@. hrm… oh! and i never write out numbers. unless it’s part of an address. my pain specialist’s office for example is on Five mile road so i write the word 5 so it doesn’t blend in with the numbers in the address. i think that covers my …ah. no it doesn’t. there’s 1 more thing i do when i write that messes with people. i NEVER write out ‘ed’ ¬†like if i were to write ‘man, this is SO fucked’ a phrase i’m prone to using, i’d write it as ‘man, this is SO fuck’d’ i think THAT covers the only majour changes from writing to typing) i’ve been experiencing some of the symptoms for a year now, nigh on 2. temperature changes-hell yes! you can actually tell what leg is bothering me the most by feel-and i mean (*note what makes typing out ‘and’ easier than using the ampersand? haven’t you figured that part out yet? look at your regular style not ergonomic keyboard. not only am i having increasing amounts of trouble controlling and using my hands? but they are TEENY!!! how little are my hands? well, there IS the ZomBEE photo that has my hands in shot holding a normal size set of tweezers and a NORMAL SIZED pencil. yeah. REALLY TEENY!!!! i can and DO buy my gloves from the children’s section of stores. adult gloves EVEN petite sizes are always way too big both across the hand and finger length. Em 1ce fussed at me for not wearing gloves and bitched the only spares she had in the car were those for her 5 year old son. i sighed and told her to pass them over and put them on AND THEY FIT!!!! i felt a little stupid in captain america gloves of course being more of an xmen fan, but ah well! so yeah. i need both hands to hit letter key and shift key at the same time. when i’m writing 2nd/final drafts, i let spell-check sort that out most of the time and otherwise, i just let it skate.) another person can. my friend Will patted my foot and said ‘wow, are you cold or something?’ then felt the other and was confused by the completely different temperature. patchy skin colour?check. patchy hair growth? check! (*note in the affected areas. amusingly, most of the hair has fallen out of my legs. 1 of the few perks to this shit. less time spent shaving!) after that, i got weirded out and logged off. i just called the library to clear up a couple spaces in my allotted holds list so i could see what they have on the subject.

oh and they’ve (*note my legs i meant) been killing me all day. the best it was even with the pills was about a 7.

oh and we discovered a gas leak outside today.

(sigh)

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