Sick.

Hi everyone. It’s Wednesday, so no class for me today. Unfortunately for me, I got HORRIBLY sick yesterday and spent the whole afternoon and late morning and night being sick and dizzy and nauseous. Today I feel comparatively better, but I am still feeling a bit under the weather. Not just because of my own discomfort but because of two things that have happened recently.

The first thing is this car accident I saw almost a week ago, right outside the gates of the apartment where I live. I didn’t see it happen but I saw the girl who was hit lying on the ground screaming while a circle of people tended to her and a school nurse (the school and my house are right across from each other, so someone probably called her over) bandaged her head, which was bleeding pretty badly. The taxi that hit her was parked kind of sideways, half on the road, half on the sidewalk. Someone had called the police and an ambulance but they arrived pretty slowly. Anyway, later the ambulance came and carried her and the taxi driver and a school teacher to the hospital, which was when I went home. But just thinking about that girl (still in her school jacket, who had probably been on her way back to school from dinner at home when she was hurt) being in so much pain while being surrounded by strangers made my heart hurt. I’d never seen anyone else in that sort of pain before, or seen anyone bleeding so much. I don’t know what happened to her…I don’t know if she died or if she pulled through it.

The second thing is, the son of a distant relative of my father’s went missing on Saturday. He didn’t go back to school (he was in college) on Sunday, or go to class on Monday, so on Monday evening when his teachers informed his parents, his parents then called us to ask what they should do, since their son hadn’t called or communicated with anyone. My father told them to wait until morning before going to their son’s school, and they did. And then yesterday they called again to say that their son’s body was found in a river. Now the police are investigating and some people think that he may have been murdered by someone who was jealous of him about some completely trivial thing. He was just what…a little more than twenty years old? And now he’s dead. Can you even imagine raising your son for twenty years and having him just disappear and be found dead like that? All of this has been so disturbing that my parents haven’t slept well, and my dad is going back to the off the pain, and it worked! So I’m grateful that I started watching his videos several months agocountryside to help with the funeral and whatnot this afternoon.

All this has made me sad. I used to think that accidents and murders and death were very far away and had nothing to do with me, that they were just things you saw on the news and felt sad about for a while. But now they feel very, very close, and real. And that makes me even sadder, because I keep wondering why people have to be so cruel and evil, I keep asking myself, why has it become almost normal for so many innocent people to die every day, why, why. But I don’t have an answer for any of those whys.

To end this journal on a happier note, I would like to say that I was incredibly surprised to see that TTSA had returned! Which was totally unexpected and out of the blue, and also pretty great, and also made me feel a little better.

Also, here’s something totally random: when I was feeling particularly awful and felt about to throw up yesterday afternoon, I just thought about all the funny moments in danisnotonfire’s vlogs to take my mind off the pain, and it worked! So I’m grateful that he made all those videos, which have helped me a ton. Really, I’m just feeling grateful for all the good things in my life–music, and movies, books, people, friends–now that those two things I’ve mentioned happened.

So everyone have a good Wednesday (or Tuesday, if that’s not over for you yet), and stay safe!

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