Today has been a crazy long day, and lately iv been very positive with a great attitude but today the end of today was just overwhelming full of emotions.
Earlier my mind was on dads for some reason maybe because fathers day is right around the corner. So many mothers go to court to get child support and complain about how dads don’t pay for their kid. But in reality a father isn’t a father by just giving money. Although its great to help your kid and support them all parents should, but a dad is made by the things he does physically. Being there when your child needs a hug, a kiss, someone to pick them up when they fall. A dad picks you up and kisses your “boo-boo” a dad is a man that reads you a story until you fall asleep. A dad is someone that plays sports with you or games. It makes me so mad that moms wont let their child see their father because they don’t get “money”. Your only hurting your kid having a dad is a very important part of your childhood. Why take that away because of money? I wish Chloe had that each and everyday I hope im a step closer to finding a man that will take Chloe in as his own. && for people reading this that don’t know me exactly Chloe is my daughter she is 6 years old and a wonderful, beautiful, smart little cookie. She deserves the best , unfortunately about a year ago Chloe’s dad decided to take a move to Alabama. We live in Indiana. As heartbreaking and overwhelming that was for me as a mom to watch her dad just disappear out of her life, I know she had to be devastated. I do not get money and I don’t even care to anymore, but Chloe losing the privilege of having a dad around and seeing him every month or whenever he wanted to see her. That just hurt but I hope she knows she is loved by so many other people. So in my mind the people that want money, all I would want is for her to have “dad” time. Growing up with a dad that wasn’t around much I know how much of an impact it has on your life still till this day. Sometimes I feel not good enough or like my dad never really loved me… because he picked drugs over my childhood…. and it makes me think did he ever really even know me or did he ever want to? Well now he is a great grandpa and clean off drugs that makes me very happy… but it still doesn’t undo the past. So I definitely feel for my daughter in that aspect and I never wish that upon anyone.
Other then that iv been feeling lonely…
Today is just one of those days I could really just use a hug from my boyfriend… unfortunately that’s not an option… as I said earlier I live in Indiana , he lives in Michigan. Its only 45 minutes but we only see each other once a week.. if that. Its hard at times especially days like today when I don’t get to talk to him much… he has his life and is busy doing everyday things, when all I want is too be with him doing those everyday things. We’ve been on an off kinda ((we were together a little over a year broke up for about 8 months talked again for about 1 stopped talking now were back together)) its been a crazy ride and definitely challenging but I wouldn’t want it any other way. He is my other half and honestly iv never known any relationship to last this long living far away but we always end up back together. So nights like this when I wish I could have “more” I just have to tell myself don’t be selfish Sarah what you have is enough and hopefully one day you will have MORE and everything you want, the life you dream of having with him of course <3.
So on a better note… I just overall have to be positive. Sometimes I get discouraged and hope he feels the same, but I know he does or well I hope I’m right!
Well I’m out of here done with my rambling for today