Summertime Sadness

Seven am, waking up in the morning…

SORRY so sorry for reminding you guys of that song. It just popped into my head when I was writing this journal’s title and I was considering calling it Friday, and I just automatically thought about RB’s terrible terrible song, which, incidentally my Writing teacher L played to us last last week, along with the dumb MV. Seriously. It’s kind of ridiculous because I didn’t even wake up at seven this morning–I woke up at six twenty. But anyway.

I wanted to call this post Summertime Sadness. I’ve never actually listened to the Lana Del Rey song–in fact, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever listened to any of her songs–but I like the title of this one. Summer is basically here and it makes me sad to think of it. Kind of happy, because summer means traveling and whatnot, but also sad because I will be sixteen at the end of it and ever closer to growing up and being entirely responsible for myself, yet mentally I will still have no clue what the fudge I’m supposed to be DOING here, on earth. I can’t seem to take my future seriously right now–I can’t motivate myself enough to study as hard as I should. I guess you could say I’m having a mini existential crisis??? (Or do I only think I’m having one because I unconsciously want to emulate Dan Howell???) Whenever I think of how my older sister and I have kind of drifted apart and now she’s off in college and an adult, and a bunch of other crap, I feel like…like, my feelings can be summed up by the Bad Blood lyric “It’s so sad to think about the good times, you and I.” Anyway, I might be feeling this way only temporarily, just because of a combination of fluctuating hormones, a just-over-sickness feeling, impending tests that I’ve barely studied for, teachers who are about to leave, and teenage emotional angst…I guess I’ll find out the real reasons sooner or later.

It’s funny but it seems like most of my entries talk more about FEELINGS than what I’ve actually DONE. Barely any actions. I seem to like talking more about what I’m currently feeling than what I’ve actually done throughout the day(s). I guess because, even when I’m writing stories, I’m bad at writing what the characters actually are doing–walking, reading, fighting. Which might actually mean that I’m terrible at writing and should quit, I don’t know.

So yeah. Along with just reading a lengthy post about stealing away for pizza (which is actually a totally predictable and understandable move) by TTSA, well, I guess I should move along and continue my hunt (if that doesn’t make me sound like a stalker or some sort of predator) for internet friends elsewhere (obviously, there are way too few people on this site to speak to–not helped by the fact that the most promising of them LEAVE AFTER LIKE A SINGLE POST).

So, have a good weekend/Friday guys…see you soon.



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